Saying Goodbye - AGAIN!

I couldn't quite figure out what was going on. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, so it took me a while - okay about 2 weeks. Things kept going bad - milk, meat, veggies... I just thought I wasn't looking that closely at the expiration dates... I started paying closer attention. When the meat spoiled in less then 12 hours, Dave stuck a thermometer in the fridge... It read 65º. Yep, our 24 year old fridge (17 cu. ft) bit the dust.

That began a 2 day frantic frenzy of shopping, comparing, more on-line comparing, and 2 trips to Lowes. We could have run all over town, making phone calls, but we were able to do comparision shoping online, and didn't want to waste the gas $$, plus we would have to pay for "out of town" delivery. By then I was down to fixing only stuff that we could put in the ice chest or freezer and I was telling the family "Cereal tonight. " We lost probably 3/4 of the stuff in our old fridge. What did we learn? To be more alert to the signs. Honestly, I wasn't sad to see it go, but it really didn't come at a great time.

The last time I went to Lowes to finalize my choice, I took Claire with me. She was like a girl in a clothing store!!! She sure helped make it more fun and I'm so glad I didn't miss out on the opportunity to share this with her. We found out we have many of the same ideas when it came to a fridge! I'm sure the guy thought we were nuts! They made us a priority and we had less than 2 hours to clean out the old one and make room for the new. Can you believe this is the first time I've had to buy or participate in buying a fridge? We had the same one the whole time I was growing up and mom just replaced it less than 10 years ago. It was fun, but I don't want to do it again anytime soon. I was so hoping the stove would go first! We're really just tickeled that things are cold, it's bigger (25.4 cu. ft) and it fit in the space, and we can get ice and water from the door!!! New kitchen toy! Guess I need to start cooking again!

Mega-Monster Hotdog Stick

In the midst of all the "gotta do's" we found an easy solution to lunch time problem.

• * cut down tree
• *burn brush pile (thankfully we did this before the burn ban!)
• *work on truck
• *mow *straighten up house

Last year, Connor had to come up with an invention for a project at school. He was supposed to invent something that we needed at the house. We sat on this one for a few days until we thought of one... This was his presentation dialogue:

Ever been to a hot dog roast without enough hot dog sticks? Well, with my Mega-Monster Hot Dog stick that won’t happen. With this invention, you won’t keep people waiting in line for a stick or hot dog. It will hold up to 11 hot dogs, everyone can eat at the same time. Plus, with a longer handle, you won’t get too close to the fire and bun you hand off. The reason I made this was to put an end to having to wait on hog dogs. Using the blades of a rake, a cooper stick, and screws, making this was quite cheap. Fire and hotdogs not included.

One thing we all agreed on, Saturday lunch was fast, easy, and yummy thanks to Connor's nifty invention. I was thankful I didn't have to stand over the fire with a single stick or we would have been eating something totally different! Personally his Momma calls it "A Redneck Weiny roaster". He told this to his class and they thought it was hilarious! One word of caution - if you decide to make this contraption, take a hot pad out with you, the cooper tube handle gets hot!

Droopy, double dog tired

My right arm and leg had long since gone to sleep under the weight of my slumbering child. My bleary eyes focused on the TV, realizing the decorating show I thought I was watching was long since over. The clock was flashing 1:17 a.m. Nudging Connor awake, I point him towards his room as he slides off my lap. I'm not really sure how my lap is so much more comfortable or if he thought that sitting up with me he would be able to watch some exciting show on TV. Obviously, neither of us found it overstimulating nor did we get any new decorating ideas!

I'm beginning to think I have a malfunction in my timing system. We put up room darkening shades, shut all the doors that would let in any light, and still... 6:30 on the dot each morning. I wish I had a built in snooze button!

This morning was a blur, and I'm so thankful that Work Camp was over and I didn't have to drive the kids into town. Though we let the kids sleep in for a bit, I was ready to crawl into bed by the time they got around at 9 a.m., but alas the dirty dishes in the sink, piles of laundry (must have been those laundry bunnies), school work to do, laundry soap to make, kids to take swimming, and dinner to make. **I secretly think there are a bunch of laundry bunnies in my laundry room that multiply magically when the lights go off.** (Actually there is one bunny in my laundry room that I can find. Haven't found the other one yet!

The Verdict: Laundry bunnies almost won the war, the kids had a great time swimming, I read 3 chapters in the new Sisterchick book, leftovers saved the day, and dishes are gone from the sink, tummies are full, and laughter is drifting from the living room. Better go before I miss out! I think they're eating ice cream~~~

What I wished for

It was one of those days for me and, during one of the 5 trips I made into Ft. Smith, I actually met myself on the road going the other direction. I think I needed a nap ºÜº. Kids finished up work camp, Connor went to the Dr. about a cough he's had for a few weeks, ended up getting an x-ray (thankfully it came back okay), Buddy got a shave, pedicure, and shampoo. Me??? I didn't get a shampoo, shave, or pedicure... but that is probably more than you wanted to know. A friend and I were talking today - mostly about life in general. In the midst of wondering and conversations I asked her if, back when we were younger, we knew what we were wishing for? I always wanted to be "a really good mom" but did I realize what I was wishing for - and if I knew exactly what I was wishing for, would I wish for what I was wishing for? Yes, but I had no idea how hard it would be or how much it would change me. Do I regret getting what I wished for - no. There are some things that I would change - but that is hindsight. I have a tile sitting in my kitchen window that about sums it up for me:

"I long to accomplish

great and noble tasks,

but it is my chief duty

and joy to accomplish

humble tasks as though

they were great and noble."

Helen Keller

Paint can full of fun

In the stillness of the morning, "Beep, beep, beep" breaks the quiet. Fumbling fingers search to quiet the alarm as a bed creaks. Opening my eyes, I focus on the clock - 6:30 a.m. it reads. I lie quiet listening as Claire's door opens and she pads down the hall to the bathroom. We have 1 hour until we leave and 3 people are still in bed...

What is Work Camp? No, it's not a place like a slave camp, but rather an opportunity to serve and learn. Caleb and Claire, with their friend Dillon, and other youths from area churches are taking part in a week long project helping others by painting homes in the surrounding area.

• Is is easy? No, not in the hottest part of the summer. They are scraping houses, climbing ladders, hammering, and rolling paint.
• Did they want to do this? Yep! This is something they look forward to each year. Seeing whose team they're on, what van they'll ride in (this is important especially if your van has air conditioning), what houses they'll paint...
• Is it fun? You bet! I love to hear the stories they tell about the kids they work with, paint colors, the people they meet, morning devotions, and the funny things that happen.
• Do the kids get paid? No, we actually pay for them to do this! The money, with sponsors, goes to provide paint and supplies.
• Do the kids get anything from this? Besides a t-shirt and sore muscles, they are meeting new kids from other churches, sometimes they stop at Sonic. More importantly, they are learning, not only how to paint, but work ethic and helping others without expecting anything in return.
• Is it worth it? Absolutely! We love for the kids to grab hold of opportunities to learn, grow, laugh, live, and serve. On Thursday, there will be a dinner for the home owners, workers, and sponsors. They'll get a chance to mingle, laugh, cry, watch a video of the week, and remember. Each afternoon, when I pick them up, they drag their weary, paint splattered bodies outside, ease themselves into the car, and slowly, conversations fill the silent spaces with laughter, memories, and "ahhhhh's - feel the cool air".

The Accidental Gardener

1 Kings 17:6 (New American Standard Bible) The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he would drink from the brook. This morning, as I went out to water my plants, I was reminded of Elijah again. Not because we've experienced miracles, or turned bears onto our enemies, or raised anyone from the dead, but because of the birds of the air.

We love to watch the birds and see their personalities, their habits, their babies, their songs etc. When we first started putting out food for the birds and squirrel, we thought *Look how we're helping the birds*, little did we know how God would take a simple act to reroute our thinking.

I'm not sure when it happened - probably some early morning when God was watching our family or maybe He was just watching the birds. He probably used one of those annoying black birds - the crow or gackle or perhaps the cowbird. But an astonishing thing happened as I was out walking in our yard - I discovered that God (via the birds) had planted corn and sunflowers in our yard. Granted, we've not grown corn or sunflowers here before, so that is why He probably only let them plant just 3 (two stalks of corn and 1 sunflower). I've carefully watered, protected them (from the every ready hands of "I almost chopped the weeds down" Dave), and watched them grow in wonder.

We were excited at first to discover we had TWO ears of corn, but now we're up to 5 ears. Just enough for a meal or two. It was such a humble reminder in this day - when we're so consumsed with "By my self" and "Do it MY way" mentality, that God really is the one who is taking care of us. If I were just to just let go and let Him instead of thinking that I have to be in control, how many more wonders would we discover? Would my life be easier? I'm not sure, but I would probably wonder and worry over a whole lot less than I do now! What do I need to let go of and let Him handle? My health? My kids? My Marriage? Okay, how about my Life? Yep, I think that about sums it up!

Matthew 6:26 (New American Standard Bible) 26"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

While the kids are away...

This week my kids are at Life Skills Camp at church. It's actually for kids pre-K-6th grade, but Caleb and Claire are volunteering as helpers. It was fun to listen to them tell about their day yesterday filled with welding, setting up camp, cooking, and more. I had to giggle as Claire recounted the kids trying to start a fire with two sticks and Mr. Tims bribe of ice cream if they could. Oh, then there is Connor! Bless that child! He walked in the door yesterday and handed me two metal flowers that he welded yesterday. I was so surprised! Welding! Mike Crawford must have had fun with that bunch! He talked about why they had to wear the welding mask and how cool it was. I can't wait to hear about all the different things they are doing the rest of the week!

While the kids are gone, I'm practicing my own life skills - making bread, laundry, cleaning, school work, updating the calendar, making phone calls, talking to the cat, and... okay, so I do this everyday. Not near as exciting as what the kids are doing.

Yesterday, the sweet girl that I tutor came over and we worked on math skills in a different way. We made Snickerdoodle cookies. I must say, all I did was supervise and we worked through the recipe with fractions, multiplication, and adding while we also practiced reading and following directions. We had a wonderful time and the cookies quickly disappeared after they were baked, though mysteriously - some of the dough disappeared as well. She did an awesome job and I'm so proud of her!

Letting go of my heart of stone

Ezekiel 36:26 & Ezekiel 11:19

"Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

James 1:19-20 (19)This you know, my beloved brethren But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; (20)for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

I don't know why I can't just let something go, especially when it is something that irritates or inconviences me. Why do I hold on to it with a tight fist, like a child with a piece of candy or prized toy? I guess it really doesn't matter what I believe caused my heart to turn to stone, but really what the issue is that it HAS turned to stone. What I cry out for is a heart of love, tender and open. I yearn for the walls to crash down as they did in Jericho thousands of years ago, with the scarlet thread of my heart hanging there, begging for the heart of stone to be taken away. Lord, let my heart of stone be broken be removed and renew my heart. Take my ugliness and make me beautiful again in Your sight.

Ephesians 4:31-32 31Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Lessons learned

Armed with my ads from 3 different stores, Claire and I set off to Dollar Tree and another local discount store. I've been working on a better system for identifying ad matches, coupons, and such, and did a quick review before shutting off the engine. Poor Claire had a look of unrestrained something on her face. "Mom, you're NOT going to Ad match again are you?" Her voice showed the incredulous dismay she felt. Nodding, I opened the door while replying "Yes, won't it be fun!" (I was only kidding about the fun part). I'm sure she was rolling her eyes when she heard this. Something you must know about Claire - she is a saving grace when she goes shopping with her Daddy. He has told me more than once "Is that on the list?" or "Would Mom let us get that?" After pulling out my notebook (for tracking actual prices) and the calculator, we began. In the end, I was hoping that Claire had learned something important about ads and shopping (just becuase it says it's on SALE doesn't mean that it really is and you have to compare prices), but when it came down to it this is what she really learned: "Don't go shopping with Mom!"

Will this be The Last Time

As my youngest crawled onto my lap

I was reminded of "Will this be the last time"

He didn't fit on my lap very well.

Legs were hanging near to the ground.

When did he get to be this big.

It's funny -

I've always seen him as my "baby"

But he's almost 10

He doesn't quite fit on my lap anymore.

I'm not sure when it happened.

I remember those night of all night rocking,

holding, nursing, comforting, singing...

His breathing evens out

falling into rhythmic breaths

I hold my breath and shift,

and feel his arm relax.

He melds against me

snuggling on my lap

Will this be the last time?

Those sweet toes I used to kiss

are a tad size bigger and dirtier,

Those sweet rosy cheeks

now have dirt smudges from last night playing outside.

That scar on his chest,

a reminder of God's saving grace

is smaller, oh so much smaller.

That baby fine hair

now wildly sticking up

"I like it that way" he claims.

Gone are the cute baby outfits

replaced by mismatched short and t-shirts.

His body jerks in his sleep,

his blue-berry eyes open sleepily

Will this be the last time?

He slides from my lap

reaching for his Indy hat

placing it on his head with practiced habit

he nods at me and mumbles

"Thank you Momma"

as he kisses my cheek,

he walks out of the room

Will this be the last time?

I'm so emarrassed!

I was shocked appalled mortified embarrassed I tried to hide they called when they called my name

I protested

I clawed but they lowered me

into the murky water.

They put this smelly stuff on me

scrubbing, rubbing

spraying, draining.

I thought it would never end

as I shivered and cried.

They scrubbed me in places

that should not have been!

Horrors of all,

out came this gun

this was not fun!

It shot me with air

tummy, back, and derriere!

Finally the horror was over

I felt the floor beneath me

I found a quiet corner

could I regain my dignity?

Please don't tell my humans

But I feel now PRETTY!

Saying Goodbye

Today we said goodbye to an old, but tired friend. We've only known her for close to 10 years, but as she pulled out of the drive, the kids and I watched from the front door and waved with lack of sorrow, Gasp, no more white van? No more clacky, tacky, wacky "What's THAT noise?" outdated NASCAR stickers Wondering if the stuff under the seat has been growing long or if it came with the van.

No longer will I appologize

for the condition of the third row BOYS' seat

No, more wondring if

the "check engine" light

should be checked or just ignored.

Thanks to the recent hailstorm

(okay it was back the first of April)

The Van was totaled!

We picked up our "new"

Ford Explorer on Saturday.

Time Out

Have you ever gotten to the point where you just needed a good timeout? I'm not talking about for the kids, even though they've all had their share of the time-out corner. This last week I needed a time-out. Things did not go according to MY calendar or plans, but seemed to order themselves without asking me! I let the little things build up and get to me. I tend to do that, and from the look Dave was giving me, I needed a time out. When things get to me, I don't throw a fit, scream, stomp my feet, or hit. No, for me I feel like I'm stuck in a huge snowball that is teetering over a very steep mountain, and when it hits, the ball is shoved over the edge and gets bigger and bigger, going faster and faster, gathering twigs and debris until it runs smack into the side of something and falls apart - revealing how silly my "snowball" really was. What do I aspire to do??? Wouldn't it just be easier for me to realize what is going on and I need to get hold of myself, slow down, and just listen to what He is telling me... I was too busy last week (or so I thought), but I'm ready to listen now to what He was telling me. Last night as I was reading, I re-read Colossians 3:12-15 and re-reading a few sermon notes I had tucked back and I had to reflect on what where my actions (where is my mind, where is my heart), what is my attitude (forgiveness, peace, thankfulness), and what is my Aim (Peace, reflecting Him). I sure didn't let Him rule my heart with Peace, and like a young child, I threw my own "fit" - I needed a time out.

12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. 14 Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.

When our kids were younger, Dave and I wrote this poem for a scrapbook page we did:

I hit my brother with a ball My Momma told me NO! I thought that she was teasing me, But then she told me so "Time out for you" she sternly said. In shock,I slowly dropped my head. My lip began to tremble and my eyes began to tear, I cried and cried so loudly, just so everyone could hear. She lead me to the corner, "Put your nose right here, young man, And think about just what you've done." But what I know is really this, This is not real fun!

Visting his childhood

I had to laugh tonight

at our 9 year old son as he was taking a bath

that went on entirely too long.

Strains of the theme song from Indiana Jones

drifted from under the door

amid the sound effects.

Cautiously, I opened the door.

He looked up grinning.

I was surprised he had not

worn his fedora in the tub.

His hair was not wet

nor was the wash cloth

handing over the side of the tub.

He beckoned me to the tub.

There in the tub with him

was a 8 inch gator, swamp boat, and safari man.

He explained:

"I'm visiting the time of my childhood

since it has been so long ago."

I just walked away

and let him play.

Post-Toasties Encounter (pt. 2)

Running home to my mother, I excitedly told her of what had happened. "Didn't you say anything to Mrs. Crawford?" I shook my head as I looked at my scuffed shoes. "You mean you just stood there, not even saying 'Hello'? Did you think she was nice?" I nodded my head. "How would you like to visit her?" my mother asked in a tone that suggested I had better say anything but no.

Mamma dressed me in my Sunday best after she baked an apple pie. "Now when we get to Mrs. Crawford’s house," she instructed as we got in the car, "I want you to at least speak to her." My knees were shaking so bad that Mamma looked over at me and frowned, "Stop fidgeting. You’d think this was your funeral." Mamma stepped on the brake as she pulled off the side of the road in front of Mrs. Crawford’s house. We got out of the car, but I held back, behind my mothers cotton flowered summer dress, as we walked down the crooked sidewalk. Daffodils and Virginia Spring Beauties were sprinkled throughout the lawn. Mamma knocked on the door and we waited. I knew my doom had come. Even though she seemed perfectly harmless, I just knew she was...

"Ms. Wilson, come in." The crackled voice startled me to the present. "I saw you drive up, and heard you knock, but I'm old and it takes me longer to get up than it used to." She still looked the same, except her hair was thinning, no longer in a careless bun on her head. "Are you home from college?" she asked as she held open the wooden screen door. I stepped in, still nodding my head. "Come in and sit down. I don't get much company these days, you know."

"Hello, Mrs. Craw-ford, you're looking pretty. I was just home visiting Mamma, and decided to stop by. Mamma said you just got out of the hospital and needed an apple pie and company." She started to get up but I stopped her. "You keep still, I know where the dishes are and it's about time you let me do something around here." She didn't protest like she usually did on my previous visits. Instead, she breathed a sigh of relief and settled back into her wooden rocker. "Do you still buy Post-Toasties?” I asked from her kitchen. "Every time I go to the store and see a box, I laugh and remember the first time we met. Do you remember? I was just five years old when Mamma sent me to the grocery store..."



If you missed Part 1: Privileged Childhood