Thursday, July 7, 2011

I'm a little slow, but I'm learning...

Words fly through my head and I write posts in my head, but yet somehow, they don't make it to blog world.  There are times that I want to be so transparent, but yet I'm fearful.  Why is that?  What am I afraid of?  Afraid that someone won't like what I say?  Maybe that you won't "get it" like do or I won't make sense and you'll look at me like my kids do. Maybe it's acceptance or worry. So what's the deal?  I'll must confess that I've edited, revised, deleted, and revised, and still I wonder...

Am I afraid of what you might find out?  That you'll be disappointed or disagree and somehow leave?  Kind of silly, but just ask... Go ahead.  Ask that question... Yes, I had an abusive father, I was bullied and teased in high school (no this is not why we home educated two of our three), I was a "C" student in college and it's a wonder I got that, I'm sure Youngest inherited his ADHD from me, I can't make myself follow a recipe, I'm a rebel at heart, my prayer life is not what it should be, and please don't ask me for directions for anywhere important.  Are you still with me?  No, I don't need to see a shrink, my pastor says I'm fine... Really! LOL.

I can zip through a fiction book like I'm breaking the sound barrier, but put a non-fiction book in my hands, and my mind literally goes blank.  It takes me a while to process and re-process, take notes, underline, and what ever else it takes for me NOT to forget what I've read and learned. This last March I began reading (oh so slowly), One Thousand Gifts, as well as When a Woman Trusts God, and Sheet Music (I dare you to check this one out).  Now if you look at these three books, they don't seem to have anything in common and all is fine, but then I started to reading and guess what?   All three of the books (plus a fiction book) all came to the same subject at the SAME time.  

Whoa!  Suddenly it's all that pops in front of me - a quote on FB, "Don't you trust me" from Youngest, following through on commitments...  Each time Pastor Paul speaks, the message seem to somehow reflect what I had studied that week.  God has been using not just His word, but is using all His sources to get it into my fluffy brain. TRUST. Okay God, I get it!  You want me to listen, take to heart and live this, right?    Chapters 7-9 of Ann's book stopped me flat out.  God's not taking the soft route here, but is constantly reminding, guiding, prodding (probably nudging is more correct), showing, loving, leading...

Ann says
"I've to get this thing, what it means to trust, to gut-believe in the good touch of God toward me, because it's true: I can't fill with joy until I learn how to trust: 
Romans 15:13:  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
John 6:29    "Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”
She said the word pisteuo (which is Greek, really I looked it up) is used in the NT (over 248 times according to the 2001 Strongs) and is often translated as "belief" but she also learned that pisteuo ultimately means "to put one's faith in; to trust."  To commit to trust.  Wow!  (pg. 146-7)
"This is the trust I lack: to know that if disaster strikes, He carries me even there."  Ann (pg. 148)
"Worry is the warning light that God as been shoved to the sideline.  The moment you put Him back at the center, you have peace again."  Rick Warren

God never promises to remove us from our struggles. He does promise, however, to change the way we look at them."  Max Lucado

John 14:1 
The Message:  "Don't let this throw you. You trust God, don't you? Trust me."
NIV:  “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me."  
So, when it comes down to it, through giving thanks for His blessings, (though I may perceive "I" or someone made the bread, sew, ability to play an instrument, cleaned the toilets, picking blueberries, etc), I am learning to count those blessings and that He is the One in Whom I trust. He is the one who gives me these gifts, lovingly when I do not deserve or always appreciate them.  And His ultimate gift?  What would be your answer as to how God is blessing you?  Is Trust easy for you? 


Anonymous said...

I like you! My pastor keeps telling me the same thing too ...and the man lives with me ...I keep hoping I will get a diagnosis instead of a hug! That abusive father things makes trust so hard. I think it's hard for us all but that's an added hardness. Replacing the imperfect fatherhood with the image of the invisible God as our loving Father...a journey of a lifetime. ...and we can thank Him for even that! I like you and the way you share your thought .... just the way you are...and I'm so sure Jesus does too!

TaggTroop said...

Love this post! Yes, the trust thing is HARD for me too!!!

Angelia said...

Loved this post!