Just need someone to listen

"These are the days that they don't tell you about when you dream of being a mom.  

The days that make you want to run screaming from the house, just so you don't "lose it" on the kids

I guess it doesn't really matter what events occurred to drive me to this point

But today, I feel a desperation to get away from it..."  It is ironic that the VERY thing you pray for, the ability to conceive and delivery those previous babies, will someday drive you to do things you never would have dream of...

These are the words I wrote last week after two very hard weeks.  It was the day that wrote a long post about what was going on and then deleted it.  I was sure it would have tear stains all over the post.  Instead I called my dear SIL in TX.   Her only question (in jest) was: 

"okay, if something happens to you, do you still have it in your will that we get custody of the kids?" 

 "Yes," I replied...

"Have you ever thought about updating it!!!"

We had a good laugh about that one.  I'm so thankful that she didn't hang up on me, but listened and encouraged, because I needed it so much. 

I do want to share this little gem of picture... Princess Izzy and Lady Belle have been sharing breakfast in the mornings when I'm not looking... We've found that Lady doesn't like green beans, most fruits, but is a fan of Apple Jacks and chicken nuggets.  Wonder if they have Weight Watchers for Dogs!

One last thought before I stumble off to bed is from a friend from OK City gave me a very to hold on to. Psalm 136: 23-26

God remembered us when we were  down,                                 
      His love never quits.
   Rescued us from the trampling boot,
      His love never quits.
   Takes care of everyone in time of need.
      His love never quits.
   Thank God, who did it all!
      His love never quit

  Palms91:14-16   

"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
      "I'll get you out of any trouble.
   I'll give you the best of care
      if you'll only get to know and trust me.
   Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
      I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
   I'll give you a long life,
      give you a long drink of salvation!"

Tonight, or tomorrow, as I'm waking and starting my day may I be reminded of the above verse, and my loving Daddy in Heaven truly loves this worn down momma who is waiting for her Rescuer.  That He is stronger, more knowledgeable, more calm, more understanding, and He's not tired - He stays up all night waiting and watching His children - especially when they are in need. Is He hovering every close to us, watching our breaths, our mumbling in sleep, holding pieces the mumbled mass of our tortured dreams, hold them in His mighty hand and rub them, much like a delicate herb, whose frangrance now floats on the wind... As we feel those things leave our tortured bodies and minds, may we find that peace that He hold for us, that undeniable drink of salvation that last a lifetime...

Here are some prayer request:
1.  Youngest: starting new upped dose for his ADHD.  We are seeing some OCD personality types emerging and now we are dealing with that he is calming down enough to think and realize some things.This is all so new.  His whole life has been a struggle for survival, then a struggle to learn, to talk, eat, walk and run. I just don't want him to struggle his whole life because of this.  He's such a smart 11 yr. old!

2.  Teenagers... I know we have great kids, but sometimes, we have a week, that is just a struggle to understand, to parent, to encourage, to pin them down for answers on upcoming events... Just fill in the blank here if you have teens...


Thank you so much for listening today.. I do love my children dearly and have cried many tears over then this past week.  I'm not great at hiding my emotions from my family, but we have yet to talk. I think I'll head to bed and pray over this some more...Meanwhile I'll dream of snuggle time with Princess Izzy.