Monday, July 12, 2010

I love him, but do I respect him?

I know that I love Honey, but I'm really wondering how much respect I give him...

A few weeks ago, I found myself riding back from a fun time with my dear friend Ester, and she was telling me about a book she had been reading and how it was affecting her marriage. I was intrigued and wanted to know more.

Both of us celebrated 20 years with our spouses, and sometimes, in the "thrill" of daily life, things become complacent, okay, maybe content. But I need to rethink things!  I mean contentment can be a good thing, but as for my marriage, I really want more. 

Content: Desiring no more than what one has

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately NeedsI desperately struggle reading books that are not fiction.  Sometimes I have to read a paragraph twice just to get a really good point, so to purposely pick up a book that is going to take super brain powers is a stretch for me. What book could possibly tempt and entice me?  Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

I just started reading it yesterday, so I'm just getting started, but I'm determined to finish to the last page.  In Part 1, the chapters focus on The Crazy Cycle:  Without love, she reacts, Without respect, he Reacts. Okay, so what this means is:
Without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love.  Around and around it goes...
                                     Dr. Eggerichs
So for now I'm borrowing Ester's copy while they are on vacation until I can  get my own copy because I want to be able to write in my book and take notes - so I can really remember and journal. I do love has this book is infused with Scripture, is a Focus on the Family book and is written in terms that I can understand.  While Ester said that this has not been easy, she can see the positive already happening because she is taking steps toward respect, and in return, she is harvesting love.

I remember a last year when I did the 1 Corth 7:5 Challenge, what an impact it made on our lives.  My poor Honey didn't know I was taking part in this, but he sure noticed!  I'm hoping that Honey will notice a change in my attitude toward him and that he will feel more respected. 

So how are you doing in this area?  Want to join me in this journey?  Have you already read this book and would like to leave me a note about what you discovered?

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Flourchild said...

What a great sounding book. I wish you well on your journey through reading it! Bless you~


Five years ago, when my husband and I were going through a difficult patch, we read this book. Every afternoon, we would head to the park with our chairs and read a loud to each other. I would read one page and he would read the next. We would stop along the way, anytime something would be stirred up.(We had never read to each other before and I don't think we have since.)

I thought I was a pretty respectful wife, but I learned ways that I wasn't being respectful. It made a big impact on us.

I actually think the book was poorly written (sorry!), but God sure used it!

We no longer struggle in this area, but I do ask my honey every once in awhile, "am I doing anything that makes you feel disrepected?"

I applaud you wanting to learn from this book. Blessings on the journey, Lynnet.



Sharon Cohen said...

I've read, studied, contemplated and discussed the "Love and Respect" book for four years - because of my mother's obsession with its message. She is single, age 75, with three failed marriages behind her. I recently married for the 4th time. You can see our motivation in those statistics!

We both admit that if we had known, accepted and acted on the teachings of Emerson Eggerichs - we would not be divorced. I am overjoyed to bring what I am learning into a new(ish) marriage.

The effects are powerful - in the marriage relationship, in my husband's growth in Christ, and in my understanding of men's communication in general.

Keep at it. I promise you that it is SO worth it. Even when the husband is not joining you in your study. Your behavior will cause an incredible chain reaction in your marriage.