Silliness

Monday, I took Little K to VBS, knowing he would love all the fun activities and learning about Jesus.  On the way home, he stated "Jesus is mean!"

"Um, what are you talking about?  Jesus loves us and cares for us greatly!"
"Well, He told Zacheus that he couldn't play in the tree anymore and had to get out!" Little K stated.

Needless to say, we went back over that event and made sure he was clear on what really happened.

*****************************

Day one and lego hand is forming

Two weeks ago, I had my first surgery for Carpal Tunnel.  Youngest has been so impressed with my Wolverine scar and my Lego positioned hand.  Not what I was thinking when he asked to see it, but the humor was welcome. 

I decided to watch some of my old DVR shows, after having carpal tunnel surgery two weeks ago.  I happen to be  watching one from Christmas  from the Hallmark Channel, when Youngest walked by and a Countdown to Christmas ad was playing.  "Are you kidding me Hallmark Channel!!!  It is not even the end of June!"

******************

Paul and Tracy

Sunday, we attended a "sending off" to some dear young-at-heart, recently retired friends, Paul and Tracy, who are just the dearest.  Many people were there, telling stores, sharing a meal, and singing songs lead by Paul.  Tracy has been the biggest encourager to me in regards to surviving being a mom to boys, plus she loves to sew and do embroidery work on her machine.  I can't wait to hear of their new adventures as they travel the US.  There were not a lot of dry eyes, and my heart was aching a bit, but I'm thrilled for them.  After telling hugging Tracy, she looked at me and then at Youngest and laughed:

  "You know, the memory I will always laugh at with Youngest was during church.  He decided he wanted to sit with me during service, he must have been 3-4 years old.  Someone had made a hilarious comment during service and the auditorium was filled with so much laughter, but I looked down and he was completely stone faced.  So I asked him what was wrong and he said "I'm laughing inside my head."  I just lost it!  

I'd never heard that story before and was so thankful to hear it now.

************

Went to the Farmers Market this morning for some yummy corn and potatoes, and whileYoungest was buckling Little K back in his carseat... Little K said to him: "Don't mash my Peter." Lol!  Oh the joy of boys!!! 

Would you care to share a funny story that has happened lately?  Have you had a good belly laugh?  I'd love to hear it! 

Momma and Alan Jackson

You've looked at your phone You know the moment... It has happened to most of us in the grocery store, a business, vehicle, waiting on hold on the phone, and a song comes on that you knew from childhood or younger years.  You may not have heard it for a very long time, but suddenly you are singing along, and not just in your head. Those lyrics are coming from your mouth.  Music has a way of getting into our hearts and brains and there is a reason for that, but more on that in a little bit. If I could, I would tell Mr. Alan Jackson how greatly his rendition of those older hymns have meant to my mom.  In the advanced stage of her fight, when the button on the CD player in her room is pushed, and his voice fills the room, she will visibly relax, her toes tap on the foot board of her bed, and in the if you wait just a bit, you will hear another voice joining him in song.   

It is a bit amazing, that in the midst of this alzhiemer's, my mom knew the words to many songs she sang growing up and even into her 30's, until just a few months ago.  When Mom entered the nursing home,  many of the CNA's on her hall put Elvis Presley music on a playlist on their phones because it was something that mom reacted positively to.  Her mood would become playful, she smiled, attempted to dance, and was happy.   Hmmm, there had to be something to this!!!  I began searching for music that would help calm her down when she became upset.  At first it was the classic oldies country from the 70's that had her tapping her toes and singing along - Patsy Cline, George Jones, Barbara Mandrell, Glen Campbell, Loretta Lynn, Charlie Rich, and more. Those were great, but we needed something for bedtime or when she was very agitated.  

Last year, one Sunday evening, during a special old-fashioned sing-a-long at church, I saw Momma relax, sing lyrics she shouldn't remember, and there was this peace.  I knew what I needed to do, find hymns that sounded just like that little country church in Niotaze that we grew up attending.  It took a few weeks of searching and listening, and one afternoon, I found an artist that sang as if he were in that church.  Just listening to him sing, I could close my eyes, feel those hard pews beneath me, those wooden floors creaking, pages shuffling, voices lifting as the pianist played from that old hymn book ...  How Great Thou Art,  Softly and Tenderly, Standing on the Promises, I Love to Tell The Story...

Precious Memories 

In the advanced stage of her fight, when the button on the CD player in her room is pushed, and his voice fills the room, she will visibly relax, her toes tap on the footboard of her bed, and in the if you wait just a bit, you will hear another voice joining him in song.  Lately, she is singing less, but she still recognizes the songs.  It is amazing to walk down the hall and hear various types of older hymns and songs floating through the hall.  The CNA's will testify that when it is stormy, or anxiety is high, they will put on the the Precious Memories CD and it calms the residents down.   Last week, as I entered the hall where Momma lives, I noticed one resident had her chair parked right outside of my Mom's room.  "Whatcha doing?" I asked as I walked by.
"I love your Momma's music and I sit here to hear it." she replied.   The CNA later told me that she does that frequently. 

Listening in the hospital

If I could, I would tell Mr. Alan Jackson how greatly his crooning of those older hymns have meant to my mom.  I would tell him how his soothing voice takes her back to that old country church, and somehow, the in deep inner-working of her diseased brain, she remembers those hymns.  Honestly, Momma doesn't know who Mr. Jackson is, she can barely recognize me when I visit her, but what she does know he is singing about the Jesus she loves.  While she may not know who Jesus is, but He still knows her.  What would I tell Mr. Jackson???  I would tell him Thank you for helping my Momma through her journey with Alzheimer's.   

So why does it work like this?  If you are curious, music is stored in a part of the brain that is not immediately harmed by the progression of Alzheimer's.  Read on for the more technical layperson's explanation. 

"Favorite music or songs associated with important personal events can trigger memory of lyrics and the experience connected to the music. Beloved music often calms chaotic brain activity and enables the listener to focus on the present moment and regain a connection to others.  Persons with dementia, Parkinson’s and other diseases that damage brain chemistry also reconnect to the world and gain improved quality of life from listening to personal music favorites."   Memory and Music.org

According to the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America, when used in the right way, music can allow the patient to “shift mood, manage stress-induced agitation, stimulate positive interactions, facilitate cognitive function, and coordinate motor movements.  Music has power—especially for individuals with Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias. And it can spark compelling outcomes even in the very late stages of the disease.

Many Alzheimer's patients can remember and sing songs even in advanced stages, long after they've stopped recognizing names and faces. Dementia care homes often use music as recreation, since it brings patients pleasure. But beyond the entertainment value, there's growing evidence that listening to music can also help stimulate seemingly lost memories and even help maintain some cognitive functioning.  Alzheimer's Association

This wasn't the direction that I really wanted to go with this post, but I'm hoping that somehow, this might help someone else, whom is walking through Alzheimer's with a family member.     

Re-inventing me?

"Comparison is the thief of joy."  Theodore Roosevelt

I'd like to ask a  question:  If you could see the way others see you, what do you think you would look like?  I know, what others think about us shouldn't matter, but deep down, sometimes it does.  Whether you were the kid in school that was bullied and taunted, like me, or maybe an overheard conversation, or the voice in your head that is less than positive.  I struggle with self-esteem.  When my kids were teenagers, I felt dumb - maybe they were really slipping those imaginary "stupid Pills" in my tea, I'm not sure.

Me Net, the Super mom

I have been called Supermom.  Nope, that doesn't fit me at all, though I wouldn't mind having the cool costume and Wonder Woman figure.  I watch other people's kids, but I don't work miracles. There are so many people out there that blow my mind at what they accomplish or what they know.  Yeah, I stopped using my degree a decade ago.

How I really feel & look

Sometimes I think we give the wrong impression by making sure we put our best foot forward. While I would love for everyone to believe that I've got it together and I don't screw up, but I do.  Daily.  My home or family will never be featured in a glossy magazine, and I'm great with that.  Sometimes, I wish we had fewer dust bunnies and more finished things on our do list, or we had a little more updated or cohesive look, but I don't see it happening anytime soon.  Oh, and don't even get me started on the the space that outwardly resembles a garage.  Ugh!   I've often tried to express this, but never found the right words, but this morning, I was reading a friend's blog and I think she said exactly the way I want.  So if you'll follow the link to Diary of a Quilter, you'll see that it's "not always pretty and perfect."

So this week, let's allow others to see the not so pretty and perfect and maybe, just maybe, you'll find less pressure on yourself, and more bunnies on the ceiling fan. It will be okay.   

"You can't live a positive life with a negative mind." 

It's a pain

my lovely bones

  It's been a pain having constant aches,
makes me a very grumpy person, well, maybe grumpier than usual.

I went last week to see the orthopedic doctor.  After x-rays of my hands, hips, and shoulder, and the dreaded blood test. I've got those fun veins and arteries that love to play Hide and Seek and it is usually a very painful (more than usual) process.  Thankfully the poor tech took pity on me and was able to draw it from my finger! 

Dr. said my inflammation levels are at 10, which is way under if I had RA or some other auto-immune disease (20-60), my bones and joints show no signs of wearing down or deterioration.  Problem with hands and arms- probably carpal tunnel and will have a nerve study test on the 23rd.  Due to shoulder pain, he gave me a cortisone/steroid shot in my shoulder - felt like it was HORSE needle, but after a few days, it feels 90% better!  I know it's temporary, but for now, I'll take it. 

Saturday, we really wanted to go to a huge ice cream festival, but with the rain, we nixed that and went for a weekend at home. I headed off to for a quiet few hours at a local quilters exposition. It was fun to see the wide variety of quilts and interpretations, and how each was quilted. was truly inspired, but so many of those quilts were way beyond my dreams, ability, or desire. I do think someday, when I grow up, I want to have a long-arm quilting machine and sewing room!  I bought some material for my dream Swoon quilt and maybe this next year, I can get it made. Meanwhile, I keep collecting ideas and fabric.

I was finally able to go to church yesterday after being gone for almost a month.  It felt so good to be back and the worship time was just what I needed. Having all the aches and pains and no clue to their cause makes me think of Paul and so many of the others have dealt with illnesses.  While I'd love to think I'm just on top of the world of this and handling it like a humble, uncomplaining, I'm not very good at this and I don't hide my emotions or feeling well.  I'm not asking God to take this away or for miraculous healing, though we have seen Him do a miracle in our Youngest, but whether this is temporary or "forever", I'm learning and know, it could always be so much worse.

Until then,  I'm filling up the tub and warming up my bones.  These cold rainy days are not my friend!

Life unexpected

I was reading this blog post yesterday  by  Beth Webb Hart at Southern Belle View,  (it's lengthy) and pondered some of the unexpected events we've had in our personal lives.  

This summer, it seems like it's been one thing after another and still we're scrambling for footing in the seeming chaos.  It's strange.  Sometimes it takes months, years or even a decade before we really realize why events happened, and then sometimes, in a short summer, it all cascades like a roaring waterfall. Wave after wave leaves one gulping for relief, but seeing His reasons quickly. It's not always the road that we might have chosen, but then I think of what we would have missed out on. Our waterfalls of chaos probably really are not that bad, really. There are so many worse things going on around us, to others, so I really shouldn't complain.  I keep telling myself, it's not about me, stop focusing on myself (I'm not really good at this).   It's those times where you ask God to just "write it down in black and white" because you're I'm not good at discernment or guessing (or patience).  Once we prayed for seven months (not a horribly long time) for a particular answer, asking God to show us in black and white, and He did sixteen months later with the birth of our third child. We still shake our head in wonder when we think how many years BEFORE we even started praying about this, that He was setting things in motion. 


At the time of each event, we couldn't see how it was going to possibly work to the good, but years down the road, we were able to see how God was working through the circumstances and events to His good.  I honestly have handled some poorly and others better, but it's the one where we felt our hearts shatter, that was the hardest (at the time) for me. It took me quite a while to work through it.  A lot of questioning, shutting myself off from others - not the best moments of motherhood or wife-hood (I know, it's not really a word). If I could go back and redo a moment in time, it would be those painful years.

 

God does seem to move –sometimes - in ways we don’t expect or plan.  In ways that run contrary to our fervent prayers.  In ways that run contrary to the lives of those around us.  It’s how we react to the unexpected, and to the painful moments that determines whether or not we will accept our name on His dance card or turn our backs to his outstretched hands and sulk.

He’s awfully creative and resourceful and has been known to send  a fish to swallow someone whole in order for His will to be done, in order for his people to join Him in the good work of redeeming a lost world, in order for every living soul to have the chance to move toward His outstretched arms.

 

If we refuse to go along because it doesn’t match our vision, where does that leave us? 

Priest Henri Nouwen who lived the last years of his life in a Christian community of mentally and physically disabled people known as Daybreak in Toronto, Canada, writes this about life’s unexpected turns, especially the ones that cause us pain:

“Mourning makes us poor; it powerfully reminds us of our smallness.  But it is precisely here, in that pain or poverty or awkwardness, that the Dancer invites us to rise up and take the first steps.  For in our suffering, not apart from it, Jesus enters our sadness, takes us by the hand, pulls us gently up to stand, an invites us to dance.  We find the way to pray, as the psalmist did, ‘You have turned my mourning into dancing’ (Psalm 30:11), because at the center of our grief we find the grace of God.

As we dance, we realize that we don’t have to stay on the little spot of our grief, but can step beyond it.  We stop centering our lives on ourselves.  We pull others along with us and invite them into the larger dance.  We learn to make room for others – and the Gracious Other in our midst.  And when we become present to God and God’s people, we find our lives richer.  We come to know that all the world is our dance floor.  Our steps grow lighter because God has called out others to dance as well.”

Shakespeare said all the world’s a stage, but maybe it’s a dance floor, after all.  So let’s put on our dancing shoes, take our partner’s Almighty Hand and get twirling!

Do I have it all together now?  Hardly!  I've had many character building moments and have many more to come.  Have you had those moments that have just knocked you off your feet, wondering how in the world it would turn out for the good?  How did you handle it?  How did it turn out to be a blessing or are you still waiting for reason for the event?


** While I've not read anything by Henri Nouwen, I've added this book to my reading list.  

$2,000 can of 7 oz Pepsi

Our most expensive can of Pepsi

 A little over a month ago , Honey told me his eye appt revealed he had a cataract.  Yes, I know, 45 isn't really THAT old, but we certainly felt old after this! We were a slightly stunned, but relieved that the issue he was having was fixable.

He was actually quite frightening before his surgery.  Think about it.  Here is a stubborn, quiet, dedicated man, who scared the daylights out of me when he drove because he couldn't see and didn't want to admit it. There was a horrible glare on his at night, and to make matters worse, he began to GLARE at me each time I suggested or hinted that I would like to drive.  When we drove up to Springfield, MO for a car show Memorial Day weekend and to visit with siblings (it was a blatant, "we're leaving the kids home alone, in order to get away by ourselves" weekend) I was terrified. I literally was so thankful for my iPhone and all the books and games on it, because I couldn't stand to watch the road and how bad his driving had gotten.  All I could think was "Our children are going to be orphans and will have to move to TX to live with family."  To say that Honey was more quiet and apprehensive leading up to his July 5th surgery was a gross understatement.  He had not had any type of surgery since he had his tonsils out as a young child.

Our experience?

1. They don't knock you completely out for this type of surgery.  This part really freaked him out before they gave him the meds. After the meds he cared less and says all he saw were "pretty rainbow colors". 
2. It takes less than 20 minutes to have this done (barely time to open a book or let family know he had gone in).
3. Honey is a blast under anesthesia (somehow took on the sense of humor of his older brother), which made him even more funny.
4. His demands of Sweet Tea via I.V. (after the anesthesia hit and prior to surgery) were not met and then said he could not trust me to drive him home.  He really thought he was going to drive himself home until our pretty nurse told him to hand over the keys. I did stop on the way home at McDonalds and got him a sweet tea "because I need it," he demanded.
5. Honey's complimentary can of "you're waking up from surgery, drink this, keep it down and you can go home" can of Pepsi cost us $2,000.  He swears it was awesome!  
6. I laughed so hard just trying to get his shirt back on him, I cried. I'm sure we provided MUCH entertainment to those around us. Next show will be Aug. 2.
7. He accused me of driving like Mario Andretti going over every speed bump I could find.
8. After sleeping from 1 p.m. until 3 a.m., he couldn't sleep anymore and decided to go in to work to do some paper work.  Seriously!!!  The man thought he was going to DRIVE himself!!!  Rather than argue, I got up and took him.  I was awake anyway from his mumbling and trying to find his wallet. We finally got back home at 5:30 a.m. at which he promptly went BACK to bed and I was WIDE awake.  ARGH!!!  
9. We have the sweetest friends who came over that same morning to help organize and put stuff back in our attic (another story).  What did Honey do during this?  He sat AT the kitchen table, calling customers, letting them know their vehicle was ready, giving estimates, and updating them on progress of their vehicle. We were all literally shaking our heads in disbelief. !   I really think he wanted to keep busy because he wasn't able to help or "take charge" and wanted to keep his mind off what we were really doing.



Honey's attractive eye patch and attire

10. The eye patch???? We're keeping it, so I can paint it black and he can masquerade as a pirate at his next birthday.

  We've seen such a remarkable improvement in his vision now from -200 something (he couldn't even see there was a wall with a Big "E" on it)  to 20/30 without any type of corrective lenses that he is actually looking forward to having his other eye done.  I kid you not!   We are incredibly thankful for all the prayers and God's hand in all this. 

 I'm fairly confident he'll never read this post, but please don't forward it to him.  We still have his other eye to have surgery on and I really want to stay married to this man. 

Just need someone to listen

"These are the days that they don't tell you about when you dream of being a mom.  

The days that make you want to run screaming from the house, just so you don't "lose it" on the kids

I guess it doesn't really matter what events occurred to drive me to this point

But today, I feel a desperation to get away from it..."  It is ironic that the VERY thing you pray for, the ability to conceive and delivery those previous babies, will someday drive you to do things you never would have dream of...

These are the words I wrote last week after two very hard weeks.  It was the day that wrote a long post about what was going on and then deleted it.  I was sure it would have tear stains all over the post.  Instead I called my dear SIL in TX.   Her only question (in jest) was: 

"okay, if something happens to you, do you still have it in your will that we get custody of the kids?" 

 "Yes," I replied...

"Have you ever thought about updating it!!!"

We had a good laugh about that one.  I'm so thankful that she didn't hang up on me, but listened and encouraged, because I needed it so much. 

I do want to share this little gem of picture... Princess Izzy and Lady Belle have been sharing breakfast in the mornings when I'm not looking... We've found that Lady doesn't like green beans, most fruits, but is a fan of Apple Jacks and chicken nuggets.  Wonder if they have Weight Watchers for Dogs!

One last thought before I stumble off to bed is from a friend from OK City gave me a very to hold on to. Psalm 136: 23-26

God remembered us when we were  down,                                 
      His love never quits.
   Rescued us from the trampling boot,
      His love never quits.
   Takes care of everyone in time of need.
      His love never quits.
   Thank God, who did it all!
      His love never quit

  Palms91:14-16   

"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
      "I'll get you out of any trouble.
   I'll give you the best of care
      if you'll only get to know and trust me.
   Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
      I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
   I'll give you a long life,
      give you a long drink of salvation!"

Tonight, or tomorrow, as I'm waking and starting my day may I be reminded of the above verse, and my loving Daddy in Heaven truly loves this worn down momma who is waiting for her Rescuer.  That He is stronger, more knowledgeable, more calm, more understanding, and He's not tired - He stays up all night waiting and watching His children - especially when they are in need. Is He hovering every close to us, watching our breaths, our mumbling in sleep, holding pieces the mumbled mass of our tortured dreams, hold them in His mighty hand and rub them, much like a delicate herb, whose frangrance now floats on the wind... As we feel those things leave our tortured bodies and minds, may we find that peace that He hold for us, that undeniable drink of salvation that last a lifetime...

Here are some prayer request:
1.  Youngest: starting new upped dose for his ADHD.  We are seeing some OCD personality types emerging and now we are dealing with that he is calming down enough to think and realize some things.This is all so new.  His whole life has been a struggle for survival, then a struggle to learn, to talk, eat, walk and run. I just don't want him to struggle his whole life because of this.  He's such a smart 11 yr. old!

2.  Teenagers... I know we have great kids, but sometimes, we have a week, that is just a struggle to understand, to parent, to encourage, to pin them down for answers on upcoming events... Just fill in the blank here if you have teens...


Thank you so much for listening today.. I do love my children dearly and have cried many tears over then this past week.  I'm not great at hiding my emotions from my family, but we have yet to talk. I think I'll head to bed and pray over this some more...Meanwhile I'll dream of snuggle time with Princess Izzy.

Surgery

If I had to write an essay on what I did over Spring Break, it wouldn't include a trip to some great snow-capped state (we actually had snow here the FIRST day of Spring), relaxing on the beach, exploring Disney,visiting family & friends.  No, I had surgery.

I'm sure you don't want to hear about it all, so this is the abbreviated version.  Switching to a different ENT this last year, we found that he really very concerned about finding the reason for and a lasting solution to my sinus problems. Last month a CT revealed blocked sinus passages and sinus disease.  Tuesday, March 23, I underwent sinus surgery again.  I must say I dreaded it... I knew from my previous surgery in '08 that it would be painful and the recovery would not be fun (not that any recovery is). You would think from all my other surgeries, I would be used to this, but I don't know anyone personally that really enjoys having surgery. One thought God kept telling me was He was in charge and I had to turn my insecurities and worries of the recovery over to Him.  Surely if Jesus and followers all over the world can suffer for him and I can endure this...

Let's face it, the saying "If momma ain't happy..."   I guess what really stunned me was Honey.  We were sitting in the Dr. office discussing options and Honey basically said that after I healed from my last deviated septum procedure, I was a different person than he'd ever known and he was all for doing corrective surgery.  Okay, we've known each other for 22 years, 20 of those in marriage.  If I had known all those years ago, what was causing me to feel run down and crabby, I would have done it a long time ago.  I could have been a different, perhaps better mom to my kids and wife to Honey, but I don't have a time machine, so I'll deal with now. That is the reason I agreed to the surgery.


So here I sit, in a drug induced state, eating mini meals to qualm my queasy stomach, providing a nice warm stationary place for our kitty, my mind is a foggy, and guess what? 


1.  Friends want to help.  You would think that I don't cook for my family.  When my sister chicks offered to bring meals, my kids got so excited!  I guess they didn't want to eat cereal and sandwiches for a few weeks. Let me tell you, these ladies are great cooks!  For some reason, food taste better when someone else fixes it. I have so much appreciated all theirs prayers as well!

2.  I got breakfast in bed for the first time.  Okay, so what if it was Carnation Instant Breakfast Drink and my pain pill or that I was sitting in the recliner, my "bed" for a week.  

3.  Wearing a tiny "maxi-pad" under my nose is not comfortable nor sexy.

4.  I can take all the naps I want.  Never mind that I can hardly keep my eyes open at time and that I'm exhausted. We have over 100 some channels but there is only so much TV one can watch, especially at 2 a.m.

5. I fixed the laptop!  It has been on the fritz for almost a year - somebody downloaded something with a nasty something in it... I still can't tell you how I did the restore or installed all the stuff if I could ever do it again.  I tried to tell Honey he needed to give me $200 for fixing it, but all I got was a high-five and a silly grin. Oh, he did offer to fix Frosty Ice Cream, so I guess that makes up the repair cost!

6.  This is the perfect time for my family to record any silly, drug-induced things I say.  Only said I claimed the dr. put grease in my eyes. Honey said I told all the nurses they had pretty eyes.  I once offered Honey "you know what" for 2 months if he wouldn't make me go through with one surgery.  Needless to say, that fell through and I had a 6 week reprieve of healing.  Get your note pad out and start writing kids!

Honey claims the Dr. took some of my brain out and the headaches I've been having are because I'm mean.   Which ever it is, I'm heading off to my recliner...

Living with a Princess promotes healing

I cannot believe it has almost been a whole year since Princess Izzy (Isabella) came to stay with us each weekday as her parents go out to teach.  We have been blessed beyond words at having her in our home.  I think we have laughed more, baby babbled, taken more pictures, and look forward to the mornings more than we have in years! 

After more than 9 years of being out of the baby stage, we now are baby proofing, tripping over the toys, washing bibs, have dirty diapers in the trash, a car seat occupies the middle back seat, sippy cups, baby spoons, and baby wipes. I have missed the baby stage!

You see, after we had Youngest, we found we couldn't have any more children. It was a struggle to know why, but God had His plans in motion, and since then we have seen how He worked out His plans...

So if you come to my house and see baby toys scattered, wipe container on the couch and if there is an unpleasant odor of the most horrible diaper emitting from the bath trash, please don't think that I'm a horrible housekeeper. Okay, so I don't dust each week, but the trash is emptied each day and I vacuum twice a week. I like to think these are reminders of a beautiful little girl, we call The Princess, that has taken hold of our hearts and been the biggest blessing.  We love seeing the new things she is learning, her sweet silly smile, her little finger wagging "no,no,no", and those sweet hugs.  Sure she gets grumpy, but that is something we can live with.  My kids are learning about babies, making silly faces, waving bye-bye, and loving greatly.  I love hearing her refer to my kids as Bubba and Sissy, teaching her new signs (American Sign language) and everything she sees is CAT, CAT! Just this morning, as her daddy was dropping her off, I enveloped her in a gentle hug and breathed in that sweet baby smell... Ah, yes!  He has turned my mourning into dancing!

Psalms 30:11-12 You did it: you changed wild
lament into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.
I'm about to burst with song;
I can't keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can't thank you enough. (The Message)

Test results from Pulmonologist

It's been a year of trials with my health and I really don't have enough room to go into everything, but back in Feb. they found a spot on my lung (which we figured was the result of the bronchitis I'd just gotten over). In the whole process of this, a PET Scan revealed another totally different spot on my hilum that they thought was suspicious and recommended that I see a pulmonary surgeon to get his opinion on removing both spots. Well, I had surgery for my deviated septum scheduled for the next day and recovery from that took a while... Thank you very much, I'm breathing 100% better and feeling like a new person! Yesterday hubby and I visited with Dr. X and he was wonderful! Explained results from previous test, etc. and said that they could not tell that either spot had grown in size. They believe it is some type of infection/inflammation, unexplained. We just got the report from the radiologist and my pulmonologist and they are greatly encouraged that neither spot has changed, and they will follow this for the next two year before they will completely rule the spots as non-cancerous. My biological father died from lung cancer from all his years of "I do not have a smoking habit and I can quit anytime" smoking a few years ago. The fact that I've never smoked (unless you count the campfire) and this has come up has been rather frightening, but all the same, God is the same yesterday as He is today, and will be the same as He will be tomorrow - circumstances will change, but He will remain the same. Thank you so much for all your prayers and we really ask that you continue to lift this up in prayer.

Perfect Heart

Lub dub, lub dub, lub dub... The quiet beating of a heart is something most people don't think about. It's something we take for granted - God has programmed our heart to beat automatically. But life changes, literally in the beating of a heartbeat.

Feb. 3, 1998 the stick showed two lines... How was I going to tell my husband that we were expecting our third child? After numerous surgeries for ovarian tumors, we were blessed with a boy and girl, then 5 & 6 and we didn't think we could have more. God had other plans. I started working immediately on this baby's scrapbook, writing him letters, trying to finish as much as I could, as time would pass quickly, for this baby we prayed so hard for.

A week before his birth, we listened as the nurse ran the ultrasound over my extended belly - we heard those precious sounds in perfect rhythm confirming the healthy heart of our expected son. We were anxious to meet him, as were his brother and sister, and had already picked out a name: Connor Eli.

The day finally arrived in mid Sept. and Connor arrived. The stadol they gave me during labor made me sleepy, so I don't remember most of what followed except the words of the pediatrician - "Your baby has what could be a fatal heart defect", at that moment our hearts broke. He was flown by helicopter to AR Child. Hosp. and there we stayed for a mere 17 days.

We took 9 rolls of pictures of everything - daily pictures of him, the nurses, his room, visitors, him after surgery, holding him for the first time, etc. We designed several pages filled with each nurses picture and a place were they could write to him, and the baby that I feared we would not have, soon had two scrapbooks filled to the brim.

Connor's scrapbook has been more therapy through the heartache, something that we needed to do. Watching him improve, fight back, taking picutres of improvements, milestones, and victories. He has truly been a blessing and miracle, and now he has several books that he can look at when he's older and know exactly what happend and how much he was wanted and loved... Through his scrapbook, there is a story about a boy with a broken heart and how it was fixed, and how he became the person that he is. If you're ever at our home, and want to see it, just ask. We'll gladly share it with you.

This last Tuesday, we traveled back to ARCH for Connor's Cardiac checkup. Each time we approach the hospital from 630 hwy, my throat suddenly constricts and I feel my heart stop, remembering. I grip the seat and tears well up as we make the exit. The car is silent as we pull up to the entrance and Dave let Connor and I out. The visit for us was routine, we knew what to expect: EKG, echocardiogram (ultrasound of the heart), and visit with the cardiologist. We were so thankful and blessed. The cardiologist said his heart looked so good (x-ray and EKG) and sounded so good that we didn't need to do an echo and could go home. "See you in 2 years!"

Each year I sneak Connor up to the 4th floor CVICU so he can see where he was and what it looks like. While a lot of things have changed at ARCH, we look for those familiar to us and we found Sue, The Boss. She was one of Connor's first nurses and a wonderful blessing, and still retains her British accent. She was so thrilled to see Connor again and see how well he was doing. I tried to express to her how much she meant to us, while there, but all I could do was give her a hug.

We're so thankful that God allowed Connor to stay with our family. Each day with him is a new adventure! We can't wait to see what God is going to do with his life in the days to come.