Just Another Day in Paradise...

I'm not even going to ask if you've ever had one of THOSE days, I'll just impolitely assume so.  Today was THAT day for me and for Youngest as well.  Anything that could happen did, and while I can wish away that I was a better mom or that I didn't let the stress or events of the day get to me, but it did. 

Brain woke me up at 4 a.m. (This hour is not even legal in my house), so since I was up, might as well do my new Hello Mornings Bible Study:  Abounding Hope.  I should have spent more time in my Bible Study!  I have very much been looking forward to my second Bible Study with HM and I love the accountability and support offered! It's always been an area I struggle with.

There was only one volume today  during play time - that would be scream level.  Baby screamed and cried most of the day (except when held)  and that alone made me want to jump ship.  She had finally dozed off in her car seat when Fed Ex knocked and our German charged the door barking (of course) her loudest, waking the said sleeping baby, whom was screaming again.  I finally said a bad word SHUT UP and the they all looked at me.  I just prayed they didn't repeat it once they got home or I'm in deep trouble! I've not said that before to them and knew I  shouldn't have said it.

Miss AB cleaning the toilet.

I gotta go pee"  said she, and she did on the toilet   But... (you knew there had to be a but) she's just learning to do this and did not scoot far enough back on the seat... pee, pee and more pee down the front of the  toilet. Oh, yes, I did make her clean it up.

It had been rainy all day, freaking the dog out, so she spent her day in the laundry room with her "Jacket of shame" Thundershirt on listening to classical music, plopped down as close to the running dryer as she could get. I'm a bit envious and almost wished I'd been in there with her, but I got that wish a little later in the day.

Oh, did I mention that Miss C had black beans for dinner last night because she DID NOT digest them one iota!!!  ewwwww!!!  Gross!!!   Raisins and black beans are a no no for little kids!

The kids were playing after naptime when  the tornado sirens went off... and we sprinted into action by gathering kids, diaper bags, my purse, phone, shoes, the all important paci and special blanket and cramming into our safe room - the laundry room.  Course Miss C was not happy about this one bit, especially having to have the dog's paw touching her or maybe it was Lady panting and drooling on her.Meanwhile AB and Youngest are playing I Spy in the laundry room and she didn't want to leave it when the warnings are over... 

Oh, Did I mention that Miss C somehow got the cap off her sippy cut and was happily slinging it ALL over the kitchen?  um, yes she did and I do believe she quite enjoyed it! I did not enjoy wiping it all up.  Oh, that reminds me, I need to mop in the morning.





In the end, I must say, I should have put myself in timeout somehow, but thankfully Youngest was such a tremendous help that I cancelled school for him and didn't feel bad about doing it.  We'll call it a Sanity Day.  When all the girls left and it was so totally quiet, Youngest and I sat down on the couches and started watching season 1 of Psych.  Well, I attempted to watch most of it, but it was the much needed nap that won out.  Felt so much better after even 30 minutes of rest. Fixed breakfast for dinner :fluffy pancakes, Blue and Gold Sausage, and Buttery Skillet potatoes.  After dinner it was nice for the whole family to settle down to watch the season premier of Top Gear. It felt so good to laugh, but oh the evenings are not long enough! 

 Just Another Day In Paradise  by  Phil Vassar

The kids screaming, phone ringing  
Dog barking at the mailman bringing  
That stack of bills overdue  
Good morning baby, how are you?

It's a pain

my lovely bones

  It's been a pain having constant aches,
makes me a very grumpy person, well, maybe grumpier than usual.

I went last week to see the orthopedic doctor.  After x-rays of my hands, hips, and shoulder, and the dreaded blood test. I've got those fun veins and arteries that love to play Hide and Seek and it is usually a very painful (more than usual) process.  Thankfully the poor tech took pity on me and was able to draw it from my finger! 

Dr. said my inflammation levels are at 10, which is way under if I had RA or some other auto-immune disease (20-60), my bones and joints show no signs of wearing down or deterioration.  Problem with hands and arms- probably carpal tunnel and will have a nerve study test on the 23rd.  Due to shoulder pain, he gave me a cortisone/steroid shot in my shoulder - felt like it was HORSE needle, but after a few days, it feels 90% better!  I know it's temporary, but for now, I'll take it. 

Saturday, we really wanted to go to a huge ice cream festival, but with the rain, we nixed that and went for a weekend at home. I headed off to for a quiet few hours at a local quilters exposition. It was fun to see the wide variety of quilts and interpretations, and how each was quilted. was truly inspired, but so many of those quilts were way beyond my dreams, ability, or desire. I do think someday, when I grow up, I want to have a long-arm quilting machine and sewing room!  I bought some material for my dream Swoon quilt and maybe this next year, I can get it made. Meanwhile, I keep collecting ideas and fabric.

I was finally able to go to church yesterday after being gone for almost a month.  It felt so good to be back and the worship time was just what I needed. Having all the aches and pains and no clue to their cause makes me think of Paul and so many of the others have dealt with illnesses.  While I'd love to think I'm just on top of the world of this and handling it like a humble, uncomplaining, I'm not very good at this and I don't hide my emotions or feeling well.  I'm not asking God to take this away or for miraculous healing, though we have seen Him do a miracle in our Youngest, but whether this is temporary or "forever", I'm learning and know, it could always be so much worse.

Until then,  I'm filling up the tub and warming up my bones.  These cold rainy days are not my friend!

Life unexpected

I was reading this blog post yesterday  by  Beth Webb Hart at Southern Belle View,  (it's lengthy) and pondered some of the unexpected events we've had in our personal lives.  

This summer, it seems like it's been one thing after another and still we're scrambling for footing in the seeming chaos.  It's strange.  Sometimes it takes months, years or even a decade before we really realize why events happened, and then sometimes, in a short summer, it all cascades like a roaring waterfall. Wave after wave leaves one gulping for relief, but seeing His reasons quickly. It's not always the road that we might have chosen, but then I think of what we would have missed out on. Our waterfalls of chaos probably really are not that bad, really. There are so many worse things going on around us, to others, so I really shouldn't complain.  I keep telling myself, it's not about me, stop focusing on myself (I'm not really good at this).   It's those times where you ask God to just "write it down in black and white" because you're I'm not good at discernment or guessing (or patience).  Once we prayed for seven months (not a horribly long time) for a particular answer, asking God to show us in black and white, and He did sixteen months later with the birth of our third child. We still shake our head in wonder when we think how many years BEFORE we even started praying about this, that He was setting things in motion. 


At the time of each event, we couldn't see how it was going to possibly work to the good, but years down the road, we were able to see how God was working through the circumstances and events to His good.  I honestly have handled some poorly and others better, but it's the one where we felt our hearts shatter, that was the hardest (at the time) for me. It took me quite a while to work through it.  A lot of questioning, shutting myself off from others - not the best moments of motherhood or wife-hood (I know, it's not really a word). If I could go back and redo a moment in time, it would be those painful years.

 

God does seem to move –sometimes - in ways we don’t expect or plan.  In ways that run contrary to our fervent prayers.  In ways that run contrary to the lives of those around us.  It’s how we react to the unexpected, and to the painful moments that determines whether or not we will accept our name on His dance card or turn our backs to his outstretched hands and sulk.

He’s awfully creative and resourceful and has been known to send  a fish to swallow someone whole in order for His will to be done, in order for his people to join Him in the good work of redeeming a lost world, in order for every living soul to have the chance to move toward His outstretched arms.

 

If we refuse to go along because it doesn’t match our vision, where does that leave us? 

Priest Henri Nouwen who lived the last years of his life in a Christian community of mentally and physically disabled people known as Daybreak in Toronto, Canada, writes this about life’s unexpected turns, especially the ones that cause us pain:

“Mourning makes us poor; it powerfully reminds us of our smallness.  But it is precisely here, in that pain or poverty or awkwardness, that the Dancer invites us to rise up and take the first steps.  For in our suffering, not apart from it, Jesus enters our sadness, takes us by the hand, pulls us gently up to stand, an invites us to dance.  We find the way to pray, as the psalmist did, ‘You have turned my mourning into dancing’ (Psalm 30:11), because at the center of our grief we find the grace of God.

As we dance, we realize that we don’t have to stay on the little spot of our grief, but can step beyond it.  We stop centering our lives on ourselves.  We pull others along with us and invite them into the larger dance.  We learn to make room for others – and the Gracious Other in our midst.  And when we become present to God and God’s people, we find our lives richer.  We come to know that all the world is our dance floor.  Our steps grow lighter because God has called out others to dance as well.”

Shakespeare said all the world’s a stage, but maybe it’s a dance floor, after all.  So let’s put on our dancing shoes, take our partner’s Almighty Hand and get twirling!

Do I have it all together now?  Hardly!  I've had many character building moments and have many more to come.  Have you had those moments that have just knocked you off your feet, wondering how in the world it would turn out for the good?  How did you handle it?  How did it turn out to be a blessing or are you still waiting for reason for the event?


** While I've not read anything by Henri Nouwen, I've added this book to my reading list.  

Outta control

If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless. (James 1:26 NASB)

And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. (James 3:6 NASB)

Paint brush in hand, I sat in the minuscule space behind our fridge and God spoke to me about my speech and heart problem. I'd rather have had Him miraculously solved our impromptu kitchen renovation, but fixing my heart is the immediate need.

Momma Hume had stopped by earlier with Miss I and was telling me about the Father's Day sermon, "A Father's Challenge", given that morning by their minister. She summarized that we would not speak (or treat) to our co-workers, boss, friends as we do our children. They bear the brunt of our harsh words, frustration, anger, and other negative words and actions.  Ouch!   The Momma also gave valuable insight that really helped to open my eyes to this... Oh, this has not been fun.

The last two months I know my negative thoughts and words have over taken my heart, spilled over into my everyday life, and I don't like who I've slowly morphed into. I found myself becoming more angry and bitter towards my boys for their lack of participation or the increased level of reminders (aka nagging) to get them to do anything. I lost focus on what is really important and allowed Satan I get a foothold in my life. It threw everything outta whack! You really don't want or need to know my frustrations, I'm sure.  I have sobbed, ranted, stood silent, and given "the Look" to those I love the most, wounding them in the process.  I can see when I start in on them, they shut down, enduring and wanting to run out of the room.   I have pierced their hearts with my unbridled tongue.

When people talk about our kids, we always hear what great kids they are, sometimes that frustrates us.  I need to remember they are kids who are growing, learning, having new experiences and that is normal. They are learning about responsibility and still have a ways to go, but shoot! Why do I think my kids need to have it together when I don't or ever will the way I'm expecting them to! If I don't set about to be an example of how to encourage and even admonish in a more positive way, my kids will only know how to use fiery speech to tear others down.  Not exactly the legacy I want to leave or be known for.  I feel I've lost my joy and I'm definitely not a joy to be around.

Can you help me or join me? If you think about it, ask me how I'm doing.  Don't let me slide by.  Just  today in my inbox, the morning devotion from MOB Society (Moms of Boys) came through and it was JUST what I needed.  I know God sent it my way. If you have time, take time to visit and read I Mostly Pray for Help.  Oh, and guess what I also got in my inbox - yet another email from God:  What Goes Through My Head After Yelling at My Kids.



Lynnet

Spaghetti in my mouse already

Lunch time at our house

 I'm not sure how it happened, but there is spaghetti sauce in my mouse wheel. I'm not going to bore you with details, but each day, this is basically what our school time looks like - this happens to be lunch time.  Regardless of the time of day, there is a lot of noise  in our home with this many people, especially  with three active girls under 28 months.  It stays busy from 6:45 a.m. until a little after 4.  It's normally this abnormally crazy.  Can you imagine the diapers that I change each day?  Where is the sanity?  There isn't much. 


This morning when I pulled up my email, there it was.  Another post from Holley at Heart to Heart with Holley.  Seriously, I think she has a spy camera or bug planted in my house  or in my heart because she write about what I'm dealing with in my home and in my heart.  I've included her post at the end.   

Chocolate covered gold! 

   Just as my day was slowing down, a sweet friend showed up at my door.  A mysterious little white box in her hand - oh.... my mouth was watering as I spied the label.  I think I'm going to find a happy place, maybe my closet, and eat my fruits and veggies because it was a box of chocolate covered STRAWBERRIES from Kopper-Kettle Candies!!!  Yummo!  Melissa sure knows how to cheer up my day!

Heart to Heart with Holley: Already

It's still only the beginning of the week.

Already I've...

snapped at my husband.

felt like pulling the covers over my head.

fallen behind on my to-do list.

"It's going to be one of those weeks," I sigh.

But then I remember I have a choice.

I can live by a different list of "alreadys."

Already I can...

ask for forgiveness.

find new strength.

let God's love woo me back to joy and the center of His will.

Whew, now that's good news my heart needed today.

Anyone else?

His compassions never fail; they are new every morning. {and every week!}

Lamentations 3:22-23

I'm don't know about you, but I'm all ready for a different type of "already's" that Holley wrote about.  Oh, the spaghetti sauce?  I used a toothpick and played surgeon on the little blue mouse.  I successfully squeaked by with no causalities. What about you? 

Broadsided by Monday?

Whew!  Today has literally exhausted me!  I know, by looking at the calendar that it is not Monday, but it sure feels like it!  If you had peeked in one of my windows today this is a snapshot of what you would have seen:

• The Princess literally THREW her ham and cheese tortilla across the kitchen.  "I don't like it!" she cried. She ate it anyway.  We're trying to get her to realize that not liking something and being full are two different things.
  
• "Why is there poop on the light?"  That is not POOP, Oldest was a messy painter and got brown paint on the bulb. I ended up taking the light out and letting her touch it...  Now how did she think that poop was going to get on the light up by the ceiling?  She must think we are more exciting than most people!
  
  
• Our newest little one, Princess AB wore the dog out chasing, hugging, kissing (yes, she was actually kissing Lady), and touching her.  Lady ended up begging to be let outside so she would have some reprieve.  I think she ended up taking a sun nap in the quiet outdoors - this is something she NEVER does because she believes she is my shadow.
  
  
• With three little sweeties, we have three different sippy cups, all filled with apple juice.  Mind you, they all look different, but they are all PINK. So imagine my frustration when I tried for 10-15 times to get a lid on a sippy cup and it not fit.  Give it up to some blond root I wish I had, but I had the wrong lid for the wrong cup.  Duh!
  
  
• Do you know how quickly three little girls can totally DESTROY a place? It was like a tornado unleashed times three and picking up while they were here would have been as pointless as shoveling snow during a blizzard.

• The Princess messed in her diaper (that's what they're there for right?) so I proceeded to change her. In the midst of that, I became aware she wasn't done, so I popped the potty seat on the toilet and plopped her on it.  I stood there waiting, forgetting I left the DIRTY diaper (with poop in it) on the counter.  I usually put the poop in the toilet if I can to cut down on the smell, but hadn't had a chance. She's sitting there doing her business when she suddenly looked over - a look of stinky horror replaced her silly smile.  "EWWW!  Why is there a snake in my diaper?"
    "Sweetie, that's not a snake, that your poop!
    "No, it's a snake!"
    "No, it's not a snake, really. It's your poop!"  
  
  There - I blogged about poop.  TWICE in the same post!  Never thought that would EVER happen.  Please forgive me or laugh with me.

The blessing in it all?

• When Oldest came home,  it was a joy to watch him and Youngest shoot hoops outside in this beautiful weather.
  
• "W" was able to moderately concentrate in the midst of the chaos, learn, comprehend, and even crack a smile.  Amazing!
  
• Taking full advantage of the special deals by text message that McDonalds offers (we typically don't even go there) has been doing each Thursday, Honey spent $10 for 40 pieces of chicken nuggets and provided dinner for all 5 of us. So it probably wasn't the healthiest, but with a day that we've all had, we don't care at the moment.
• Through most of this, Only and I were able to laugh about most of it.
  
• All three girls and "W" went home by 5 p.m.   *sigh*
  
• A little humor: During a very relax dinner, The Princess' sweet momma sent me the following (she said I could post this)  

"Count "L" out for quiz bowl next year. Dinner conversation:
       "L"- "My class is studying the United States. Everyone drew 2 states to study. I drew Colorado and Vomit. My friend drew New Hamster.
       Momma: I have laughed until tears were rolling down my cheeks."

         Our family about laughed until we were laying on the table.  Hope you got a laugh from this!

How was your Monday Tuesday?

Remembering...

I glanced down the grocery aisle and saw them.   Their backs were to me, but they looked like an ordinary couple in the baby aisle. Heads bent together, comparing bottles, glancing at their watches - in a hurry.  I was too.

Bethany and CW

Our carts nearly collided as our eyes met and I knew her, an old friend.  Our kids used to play together as we spent time at each other's homes.  She was always great at pinching pennies and just a great practical mom.  Sadness rested in her eyes, though a smile was on her lips.  I wanted to give her a hug and hold her, because I knew her  and her story, though not because it was in the news. Sadness rested on my heart as her familiar greeting reached my ears "Hey Lynnet!  Good to see you!" peppered with a thick Indiana accent.

We talked a while about their toddler grandson  and some of his struggles to gain weight and find the right foods and taking him for GI test at ARCH. I didn't want to say the wrong thing and bring her more pain. I asked about her college age son, who is just a year older than Oldest.  They were playmates in the church nursery and even went to HS together - friends on FB.  She said he was doing okay and thinking of changing his major to law.  That should not have been a surprise.

I push my cart to the middle of the aisle, out of the way of the floor cleaner, and settle in for a long chat.  Hurrying home seems so trivial now, but yet our conversation made me want to rush home and hug my kids. Even now as I write, it is difficult - remembering, my heart breaks. The hurt was still raw. Remembering, makes the gifts more precious...

September 18, 2010  
Today is a day that we should be celebrating Youngest's 12th birthday.  A day to celebrate the miracle that God performed yet 9 months before he was born, forming that beating heart.  Celebrating the amazing hand of God as He worked through the surgeons, Life Flight helicopter attendants, nurses, and family and friends as we prayed...

How is it possible that, while we should be celebrating, we were actually mourning the loss of a young lady, her family still numb from the tragic and horrifying events. The car-lined streets and parking lot of the church made navigating difficult. We ontered the small packed church, scanning for seats near friends.  The TV station was already setting up discreetly at back of the church, ignored by most. Whispered conversations floated through the hushed worship center.  My eyes wandered to the table up front where her family had displayed pictures of her short life, a video replays, her favorite country songs cut through the air.  We laugh at some of her choices and toes tap.  The mood lightens momentarily, until their minister step to the front.

One by one, memory by memory, photo after photo, salty tears pool and fall.  None are hidden. Grief, and sorrow blend, there is no division of race or stature. Peace and answers elude us.  Emotions crash likes waves on a reef. Sharp, cutting the soul.  I fight to keep my grief from escaping my throat. 

Her momma, Bethany, makes her way to the front, following the memories from her two remaining children. It all seems unreal.  Funny memories are recalled, laughter titters, her momma seems in a fog, memories cloud over the pain, but her smile doesn't quite make it to her eyes.  She looks at
no one, but rather at a place in her heart - a swing sets, silly songs, dress-ups, sweet baby smells, siblings silliness, teenage life.  It all meshes together in one moment in time - a memorial service for her murdered daughter, Briana. 

My phone vibrates and I turn back to my forgotten cart.  It's Only wanting to know when I'm coming home.  I cannot believe I've been standing there talking with them for over an hour. Our carts clank as we attempt to turn them,  Bethany and I hug - holding tight.  We have lived day to day, laughed, played in the snow, slept comfortably in our beds, dreamed, When you stop to think about it, our lives have gone on. But they have not.  They live each day and night listening still for Briana - out of habit. Their lives are on hold as they go to counseling, work their jobs, learn to live, and endure a long wait for justice.

"Some people say really dumb and hurtful things.  It's only been 6 months and it will take us years to heal. We'll forgive, but we can't just forget."  It's a different hurt and loss from a miscarriage or losing a parent, which she has both experienced.

You really never think it will happen to someone you really know.  It will always be someone else right?

Late night blessings

wildflowers from the Quilt Lady

What a day it was

I will not bore you

with how it went down

 but I had to relax 

the only way I knew how

Fan droning beside me

pulling cool Fall air in,

Out came the machine, 

and the sewing began.

Fabrics were cut

 and a dream began to form

"who is this for?"

a small question was asked

"for me, I believe,

something fun

something warm"

Small squares, rectangles

pink, green, brown,

the quiet whirring 

broke the silence all around

Headlights shone

on the drive bathed in dark

I hesitate and wonder

who dared to come

A beautiful face appears

slowly in the dark of the porch

holding a beautiful yellow bouquet

flowers, fresh from the field

Ah, the Quilt Lady

a smile adorns her face

(yes she would dare

venture out in the night)

and welcome is she,

into my sewing lair

that beautiful smile

and encouraging words

her hug was most needed 

at the end

of a very hard day

    Like cold water to a weary soul,
         So is good news from a distant land. Proverbs 25:25 (New American Standard Bible)

How have you been blessed by a thoughtful friend, in the midst of a hard day or week or were you the one who listened with your heart and blessed someone?  I'd love to hear about it!

Silly Anxiousness

Lady guarding her food

Have you ever had an anxious moment?  Our dog, Lady does many times daily.  While it may look as if they are buddies, poor Lady is showing her anxiousness by guarding her food. Many times we will find her in this position, with her head beside her dish. See, Midnight recently began peeing in the dog dish.  Not sure what the reason, but anytime Lady sees the cat heading in the direction of her dish, she gets anxious. Can't really blame her - I wouldn't want someone peeing in my plate.  

 Sometimes I get anxious, and I'm "Lady like". There are things that I let get me out of whack - silly things, daily thing... 

I'm not sure about you, but when I get anxious about stuff, it's just that - stuff. It's stuff Jesus said He would take care of - you know the verse I'm talking about:

Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you;
He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

Do you have times that you are anxious?  The times that I'm anxious, it seems to ruin my attitude or I let it get hold of my day.  In the thick of those moments, they seem like a big deal, and  somehow, later, they're not as big as they seemed.  It doesn't take much to visit with someone and discover my situation may even look laughable - quite mild.  

Today, started out horrible with a disagreement between Youngest and I.  He said he didn't need to take his medication (laxative, vitamins, ADHD meds) because he was okay, but as I stood there looking at him, I thought "Yeah, and the reason we're having this conversation is...?"   It was a struggle, and even in the midst of this, I knew what was going on. It was like being on the outside looking in. 

Fast forward two hours - at the optometrist for a re-check on my new contacts, and I was talking to one of the office staff.  I whined and she listened and prayed for me!  Right then and there!  I was astounded. See, she's a single mom, who also has an ADHD son.  I asked her who was her support person, having kids isn't always a beautiful walk in the park, no matter how wonderful they are. She said she has to handle it herself.  It was then that God tapped me on the shoulder and I felt really silly.

Philippians 4:4  ⁴Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
⁵Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.
⁶Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
⁷And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
⁹The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

 Some notes I have written in my Bible say: 

• Rejoice - an outward sign of what is going on inside me
• vs. 4 Celebrate God all Day 
• vs. 6 Don't fret or worry - Let our petitions and praises shape my worries into prayers
  
• vs. 7 that He displaces my worry
•  vs. 8 authentic, compelling, gracious

 My morning was a bit of a failure. I didn't start my day off with Him, instead I focused on getting ahead of the rat race of the day.  Inwardly, I didn't have a spirit even close to graciousness or celebration.  I didn't shape my worries into prayers and I didn't allow Him to work in my moments and I was shaken. I'm so thankful that He has grace and forgiveness, for such a Mom as me. Because of this, I have another chance, another day, to give it up and not let Satan get my goat.   
 

Something Possitive

Monday   Does that word bring you dread or anticipation?  What is it about that word that makes us groan? 


I knew the day would be frantic or at least terribly busy.  Disregard the fact that it was Monday, but I had a new little one, a 7 month old chubby baby, joining our crew.  I wasn't sure how it was going to work with The Princess, homeschooling, and everything...

But when my eyes popped open at 5:45 (argh!  45 minutes before the alarm was supposed to go off) my first thought was "Lord, please help me find something positive in this day."

Let me tell you how God wrangled my day!

The Princess arrived 20 minutes later, which allowed me to clean up the mess in the kitchen from the weekend. Only got up early and I was able to vacuum before everyone arrived (hate to do it while she's sleeping), and start a load of clothes.  I think they are still there.

Both girls took a nap at the exact same time and we were able to get our science experiment on Chemical Reaction completed with little interruptions and much fun!  Who knew you could have so much fun with cabbage, vinegar, and balloons! Fixed dinner during lunch, so I was feeling pretty good at that point, if we could just get through school with no tears. 

 Whew!  Made it till 4 p.m.  Time to relax... No wait - the student I tutor just pulled into the driveway... After that, a quick dinner and then Boy Scout meeting in town... 

What was the blessing in the day?  The girls napped AND later had dirty diapers at the same time, the science experiment actually turned out the way it was supposed to, Only (she's my right hand girl and knows what needs to be done without being asked), a short meeting, glorious rain to soothe our dry area, and a short meeting.  I'm so thankful that God turned a day I dreaded into something to enjoy.  It may take us a while to get our schedules in sync.

Tuesday?  I was nothing like yesterday and it was a struggle from the beginning, but I'm looking for the positive. The "work" day is almost over and we completed all of our school work.  I got to see Honey at lunch, and I have been blessed to be able to stay at home while my kids are school age.  I love it when all my kids are home, hearing the laughter around the dinner table, the kidding, the interaction... I love seeing the excitement of Oldest joke around with Youngest while they clean up after dinner, seeing Honey smile, and believe it or not I love to see him tinker in the garage because that's what he loves to do.  It doesn't look like much fun to me, but it's his kind of relaxing. 

Today?  Got bran and banana muffins made for tonight's home group, am part way through school, schedules are way off and I'm not sure where Youngest has wandered off to. The Princess is croupy and grumpy, the cat threw up on the floor but has stopped peeing in the dog food (we think it's because of a UTI and not rebellion), it's raining again (we could use that) and the dog is ready for the padded cell because it's lightening and thundering and she's  a scardy dog... life will go on and I'm looking for the positive on another day in paradise.   The difference between Monday & today from yesterday - I didn't start my day talking to Him.  I knew better, but let the craziness of the morning take hold.  While not every day will be great, but it sure is better when I give it to Him... and you know what?  Just because I do give my day to Him, it may still be crazy... but how am I going to let it define me and how I handle it?

For He will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble.   Psalm 27:5

Keli from Internet Cafe Devotions stated:

  "I hear Jesus whispering in my ear, “Abide in me. Don’t let your circumstances define you or expect them to nurture you. Don’t sit back and hope the rains will come. Set your roots deep into me. Listen to me, follow me, love me. When you do, I promise you’ll not only survive, but you’ll thrive. When you’re…

…filled with sorrow, rest in me.

…overcome with worry, trust in me.

…drowning in despair, follow me.

…thirsting for a fresh word, listen to me.

…dabbling with doubt, obey me.

…a swirl with apathy, seek me.”

 I guess what I'm so slow about it realizing I need to bloom where He has planted me.  Some people are missionaries in foreign countries, people are talented and gifted leaders, artists, businessmen/women, sanitation workers, photographers, teachers, and more.  Me?  I'm learning to love where He put me, in a place that I prayed for when I was young, with my own mission field of kids being brought to me in the form of babysitting and tutoring.

Rough Day with Youngest

Yesterday was a rough day, but it wasn't all terrible. I'm fully convinced there is too much drama given to Youngest, just one child! I'm certain that if he were a girl, he would be going through PMS.

I'm sure you don't want to know the whole story and detail, but it's going to be a long 7 years for us! We would appreciate your prayers for this child. He told me yesterday, that I didn't love him and he wasn't sure why he was here. I told him he was right, we fought to keep him alive when he was born, spent 6 years in therapy (OT,PT, speech)for him not me, and countless nights up because we didn't love him... grrr!   Yes, I know, I popped off the first thing that came to my mind.  I tried to be using an even, controlled tone, but my mind was racing wild with things it wanted to say. 

Job 33:2    I am about to open my mouth; my words are on the tip of my tongue.

Job 27:4     my lips will not speak wickedness, and my tongue will utter no deceit.

Psalm 52:4   You love every harmful word, O you deceitful tongue!

 As a Mom, I want to use words and be encouraging with my kids, to make the punishment fit the "crime," but sometimes I struggle with him.  If I had a dozen kids (today, I'm thankful I don't), I know they would each be different. I don't want to squelch his spirit or change who God made him to be.  He is energetic, vocal, imaginative, passionate, loving, sensative.  He is Youngest and I know God allowed  him live because He has a mighty purpose for his life.  Sometimes getting from point A to the next is hard.

 What I did: I put on some old Psalty music yesterday and had him start cleaning - bathroom, and vacuuming, while I worked on dinner. You would have thought the world caved in! I just left him to his dramatics.  If I'd had my old Donut Man tapes, I would have used them. He's lost privileges: TV, computer, playing on anyone's phone...

This morning he got up and asked what he could do to clean - he's dusted the living room, pictures, hallway, and is now cleaning windows. Oh, we have theatrics - he's making wild noises, singing Newsboys songs at the top of his lungs, and using a plastic golf putter as a guitar.  I guess it doesn't matter how quickly he does it - though he is surprisingly quick once he puts his mind to it. He even came in, asking me what else he needed to do.

Mom: "You can clean the bathroom mirror"

Youngest: "Oh well, I can do all things without complaining cause that's what the Bible says to do."

Philippians 2:14Do everything without complaining or arguing

Philippians 4:13   I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

  I shake my head in wonder... Have you had a rough day?  Is God working on your through a situation?  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to supervise the dusting of the china cabinet and make some pizza dough for dinner tonight, and while I'm at it, I'm going to look for my super woman cape cause I'm going to need it!

   

Happy Birthday to Me?

Yesterday was my birthday (39 and holding) and I can say it didn't start out that great. I had a bad attitude.  I didn't want to do school.  I wanted to take the day off, play with the Princess, blog, and relax, but I knew that I needed to.  I had to ask God to help me change that or it was going to be a miserable day. I must say the morning and day did get better.  I was overwhelmed with birthday wishes from friends on Facebook and text from friends.  They were just the encouragement I needed!!  Honey gave me a gift certificate for two massages at Positive Energy.  I had one of these a few years ago for Mother's Day and it was divine!  Wahooo!  I  can't wait to schedule this. I'll probably have to wait until school is out, but Nancy is awesome! 

Hebrews 4:12 (New International Version) 

 ¹²For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Look what crawled up in our yard on Saturday!  It was just plain scary. We tried to pick it up to get it away from the house, but discovered they have the LONGEST necks and really powerful jaws... YIKES!  Finally got it in a bucket and Oldest hauled the massive 14" beast across the road.  We had one chase us across the road when we went out to check it out and it was twice as big as this one!  We ran like chickens!

Here is the bouquet of flowers now that Honey gave me for Mother's Day now that it's opened up.  I think it's one of the prettiest one's I've gotten so far. 

  I was surprised when The Princess' family gave me a birthday balloon, coconut M&M's (so yummy), the funniest card!  Here is what was on the inside:       "And if you can Remember two things, you're way ahead of the rest of us."

Oldest went to the Prom this weekend with a sweet girl, "J", that we love.  First Prom, first Date... They said they had a great time, his friends were super nice to "J" and she felt very comfortable with them.  Us? We sat at home watching TV and I worked on finishing Only's Rag Quilt (just have the snipping left to do).  I didn't worry because they are responsible and good friends, but I did pray for them, the nuts out there on the road and at the prom, and that they would have a good time and return home safely.  He was a gentleman, treated her like a Princess, and got her home before Curfew and they were both still smiling when they got home!  
 
Mother's Day was actually pretty good. I've had to ask God to work on my heart in this area as well.  I know I've not made it easy on Honey, and I've really had to examine why I dread this "holiday" so much... I spent most of the day working on lesson plans and actually fell asleep at the desk.  Should have opted for that nap!  Family did take me out to Chili's for dinner. Youngest gave me a cross sucker and fancy tissues he got with his Awanas bucks.  I did have a great time reading cards at the store (something my roommate and I used to do when we were in college).  There are some really FUNNY ones out there and I wanted to buy more than a few but didn't.  I actually bought one for a friend, but my kids thought I bought it for myself and signed it... *giggle*  Here is one HallMark card that I wanted to buy but didn't.   Inside: If it gets on your kid,  Mom Spit will get it out!



We finished my birthday  last night riding out the storms that blew across OK, KS, MO, and AR.  Much destruction with this one, but thankful it wasn't as bad as it could have been here. It still tied my stomach into knots.  Growing up in Southern KS,  I've always been really nervous when it comes to storms! 

What are we looking forward to this week?  

• Oldest has Spring Band Concert tonight (should be really good!), 
• I'm doing research on Asperger Syndrome concerning the boy I tutor, I have so much to learn and observe.  I'm so out of my comfort zone.
• Saturday Only and I are heading to Little Rock to meet Kaye Dacus at a book signing (we're so totally excited!!), and the boys are heading to Tulsa for Drag Races...
• Only and I have been getting up at 5:30 each morning for the past 3 weeks to work out and I've already lost 5 lbs!  Honey joked that he found them, but I already feel better.  I'm looking forward to being able to do Level 2 without so much moderation!
  
  
  What are you looking forward to this week?   How has God been working on you?  

Just need someone to listen

"These are the days that they don't tell you about when you dream of being a mom.  

The days that make you want to run screaming from the house, just so you don't "lose it" on the kids

I guess it doesn't really matter what events occurred to drive me to this point

But today, I feel a desperation to get away from it..."  It is ironic that the VERY thing you pray for, the ability to conceive and delivery those previous babies, will someday drive you to do things you never would have dream of...

These are the words I wrote last week after two very hard weeks.  It was the day that wrote a long post about what was going on and then deleted it.  I was sure it would have tear stains all over the post.  Instead I called my dear SIL in TX.   Her only question (in jest) was: 

"okay, if something happens to you, do you still have it in your will that we get custody of the kids?" 

 "Yes," I replied...

"Have you ever thought about updating it!!!"

We had a good laugh about that one.  I'm so thankful that she didn't hang up on me, but listened and encouraged, because I needed it so much. 

I do want to share this little gem of picture... Princess Izzy and Lady Belle have been sharing breakfast in the mornings when I'm not looking... We've found that Lady doesn't like green beans, most fruits, but is a fan of Apple Jacks and chicken nuggets.  Wonder if they have Weight Watchers for Dogs!

One last thought before I stumble off to bed is from a friend from OK City gave me a very to hold on to. Psalm 136: 23-26

God remembered us when we were  down,                                 
      His love never quits.
   Rescued us from the trampling boot,
      His love never quits.
   Takes care of everyone in time of need.
      His love never quits.
   Thank God, who did it all!
      His love never quit

  Palms91:14-16   

"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
      "I'll get you out of any trouble.
   I'll give you the best of care
      if you'll only get to know and trust me.
   Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
      I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
   I'll give you a long life,
      give you a long drink of salvation!"

Tonight, or tomorrow, as I'm waking and starting my day may I be reminded of the above verse, and my loving Daddy in Heaven truly loves this worn down momma who is waiting for her Rescuer.  That He is stronger, more knowledgeable, more calm, more understanding, and He's not tired - He stays up all night waiting and watching His children - especially when they are in need. Is He hovering every close to us, watching our breaths, our mumbling in sleep, holding pieces the mumbled mass of our tortured dreams, hold them in His mighty hand and rub them, much like a delicate herb, whose frangrance now floats on the wind... As we feel those things leave our tortured bodies and minds, may we find that peace that He hold for us, that undeniable drink of salvation that last a lifetime...

Here are some prayer request:
1.  Youngest: starting new upped dose for his ADHD.  We are seeing some OCD personality types emerging and now we are dealing with that he is calming down enough to think and realize some things.This is all so new.  His whole life has been a struggle for survival, then a struggle to learn, to talk, eat, walk and run. I just don't want him to struggle his whole life because of this.  He's such a smart 11 yr. old!

2.  Teenagers... I know we have great kids, but sometimes, we have a week, that is just a struggle to understand, to parent, to encourage, to pin them down for answers on upcoming events... Just fill in the blank here if you have teens...


Thank you so much for listening today.. I do love my children dearly and have cried many tears over then this past week.  I'm not great at hiding my emotions from my family, but we have yet to talk. I think I'll head to bed and pray over this some more...Meanwhile I'll dream of snuggle time with Princess Izzy.