Definition for $100 please

So I can be a bit snarky at times.  Sometimes it's in my brain and I mentally reply to a person who was a bit more than rude. Most of the time it happens when I'm driving.  Sometimes I think people really did get their driver's license from a Cracker Jack Box!!!  Other times,  I think I've mentally replied and, based on the look on the other person's face, it actually came out of my brain via my mouth.  sigh  I did it again! 

Before you Google Snarky, I'll help you out:
SNARKY:  A witty mannerism, personality, or behavior that is a combination of sarcasm and cynicism. Usually accepted as a complimentary term. sarcastic, impertinent, or irreverent in tone or manner

From what I can tell, I'm not the only one that has this issue... Doesn't make it right or acceptable.  I've often told Honey that I could not work as a automotive service advisor. I would be fired for telling a customer that, it is not our fault they didn't plan ahead and waited till the day before their vacation, which they planned 6 months ago, to have their auto problems fixed, new tires, or oil changed.

I've been snarky with my kids.  Their lack of planning is not going to cause an emergency on my side.  They may have inherited some of this from me.

Time and time again, I chide myself and wish I were kinder, sweeter, more Proverbs 31 (but honestly, this woman seems to be a bit beyond my reach), prettier, in better shape, easier to talk to, less distracted, blah, blah, blah...  You fill in the blank. One Sunday, I was talking to a friend and they made a comment about a subject close to my heart and their opinion just about seared my soul.  They weren't meaning to.  Maybe it was a due to a bit of honesty in their observations, but their words were stomping on my heart...

It was a tough week with my mom, school was starting back up, my regular school year kids were back in my care, too little sleep, a bit of loneliness...  Not the best week, but it sure wasn't hopeless!  Getting ready for church on Sunday, my playlist began running through some of my favorites...  Tripping over dogs underfoot, outfit change #4, foundation, some blush, oh shoot... chipped polish on my toes won't go with those comfy sandals...  then the first strum of guitar and beat of drum pulsed through the speakers.... "He Knows My Name" by Francesca Battistelli    Listen  I heard Him say to me.

Spent today in a conversation
In the mirror face to face with
Somebody less than perfect
I wouldn't choose me first if
I was looking for a champion
In fact I'd understand if
You picked everyone before me
But that's just not my story
True to who You are
You saw my heart
And made
Something out of nothing

I don't need my name in lights
I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake
He knows my name
I'm not living for applause
I'm already so adored
It's all His stage
He knows my name oh, oh,
He knows my name oh, oh

I'm not meant to just stay quiet
I'm meant to be a lion
I'll roar beyond a song
With every moment that I've got
True to who You are
You saw my heart
And made
Something out of nothing

I don't need my name in lights
I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake
He knows my name
I'm not living for applause
I'm already so adored
It's all His stage
He knows my name oh, oh,
He knows my name oh, oh

He calls me chosen, free forgiven, wanted, child of the King,
His forever, held in treasure
I am loved

I don't need my name in lights
I'm famous in my Father's eyes

I don't need my name in lights
I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake
He knows my name
I'm not living for applause
I'm already so adored
It's all His stage
He knows my name oh, oh,
He knows my name oh, oh

Listen...  He said again... though I heard her voice begin, picking up where she had just left off.  

                                                   "If We're Honest"

Truth is harder than a lie
The dark seems safer than the light
And everyone has a heart that loves to hide
I'm a mess and so are you
We've built walls nobody can get through
Yeah, it may be hard, but the best thing we could ever do, ever do
[Chorus:]
Bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're honest

Don't pretend to be something that you're not
Living life afraid of getting caught
There is freedom found when we lay 
our secrets down at the cross, at the cross
[Chorus]
It would change our lives
It would set us free
It's what we need to be

By the time I arrived at church, I was a bit of a mess.  First friend I saw was Miss "I", who visiting with her sweet Momma.  She gave me the biggest hug and then a mug with all these wonderful quips about friends (my favorite one was "Friends become our chosen Family") and I cried.  I cried as her momma hugged me.  I miss her coming here daily, but I am so thrilled for the new opportunity that God has placed their family in and thankful I do get to see them from time to time.  She is a friend of the heart.  As I turned from her, I saw a longtime friend, tears in her eyes approach me.  She just reached out and enveloped me in a hug and let me cry.  The frustrations and self-doubts finally came out.  She told me of her mom's struggle with dementia and her struggle with that, and as we talked,  she listened.  "My brain just can't wrap itself around why I would be good friend material.  We go from work to nursing home, do dinner and go to bed, only to do it all over again.  Late nights that Honey works, schedules.  I have no clue what is going on with anyone or even watch the news."   

Thyme is Honey blog

"Can I ask you something?  Those things that you say to yourself... Would you ever say them to someone else," she asked, understanding deep in her eyes. "No, of course you wouldn't!  Then why do you say them to yourself?"

This week is better.  Her question and challenge has echoed through my head all week.  My head is clearing and  I'm listening...  I'm working toward being less snarky...

 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength. -Philippians 4:12-13

I'm a little slow, but I'm learning...

Words fly through my head and I write posts in my head, but yet somehow, they don't make it to blog world.  There are times that I want to be so transparent, but yet I'm fearful.  Why is that?  What am I afraid of?  Afraid that someone won't like what I say?  Maybe that you won't "get it" like do or I won't make sense and you'll look at me like my kids do. Maybe it's acceptance or worry. So what's the deal?  I'll must confess that I've edited, revised, deleted, and revised, and still I wonder...


Am I afraid of what you might find out?  That you'll be disappointed or disagree and somehow leave?  Kind of silly, but just ask... Go ahead.  Ask that question... Yes, I had an abusive father, I was bullied and teased in high school (no this is not why we home educated two of our three), I was a "C" student in college and it's a wonder I got that, I'm sure Youngest inherited his ADHD from me, I can't make myself follow a recipe, I'm a rebel at heart, my prayer life is not what it should be, and please don't ask me for directions for anywhere important.  Are you still with me?  No, I don't need to see a shrink, my pastor says I'm fine... Really! LOL.

I can zip through a fiction book like I'm breaking the sound barrier, but put a non-fiction book in my hands, and my mind literally goes blank.  It takes me a while to process and re-process, take notes, underline, and what ever else it takes for me NOT to forget what I've read and learned. This last March I began reading (oh so slowly), One Thousand Gifts, as well as When a Woman Trusts God, and Sheet Music (I dare you to check this one out).  Now if you look at these three books, they don't seem to have anything in common and all is fine, but then I started to reading and guess what?   All three of the books (plus a fiction book) all came to the same subject at the SAME time.  

Whoa!  Suddenly it's all that pops in front of me - a quote on FB, "Don't you trust me" from Youngest, following through on commitments...  Each time Pastor Paul speaks, the message seem to somehow reflect what I had studied that week.  God has been using not just His word, but is using all His sources to get it into my fluffy brain. TRUST. Okay God, I get it!  You want me to listen, take to heart and live this, right?    Chapters 7-9 of Ann's book stopped me flat out.  God's not taking the soft route here, but is constantly reminding, guiding, prodding (probably nudging is more correct), showing, loving, leading...


Ann says "I've to get this thing, what it means to trust, to gut-believe in the good touch of God toward me, because it's true: I can't fill with joy until I learn how to trust: 
  

Romans 15:13:  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

John 6:29    "Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”

She said the word pisteuo (which is Greek, really I looked it up) is used in the NT (over 248 times according to the 2001 Strongs) and is often translated as "belief" but she also learned that pisteuo ultimately means "to put one's faith in; to trust."  To commit to trust.  Wow!  (pg. 146-7)

"This is the trust I lack: to know that if disaster strikes, He carries me even there."  Ann (pg. 148)

"Worry is the warning light that God as been shoved to the sideline.  The moment you put Him back at the center, you have peace again."  Rick Warren

God never promises to remove us from our struggles. He does promise, however, to change the way we look at them."  Max Lucado

John 14:1 
The Message:  "Don't let this throw you. You trust God, don't you? Trust me."
NIV:  “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me."  

So, when it comes down to it, through giving thanks for His blessings, (though I may perceive "I" or someone made the bread, sew, ability to play an instrument, cleaned the toilets, picking blueberries, etc), I am learning to count those blessings and that He is the One in Whom I trust. He is the one who gives me these gifts, lovingly when I do not deserve or always appreciate them.  And His ultimate gift?  What would be your answer as to how God is blessing you?  Is Trust easy for you? 

Can I edit myself?

Last night, as I was editing Oldest senior pictures I was struck by a thought:  Wouldln't it be nice if I could edit out all my perceived imperfections.  The extra weight, zits, the chin hairs that started appearing a few years ago, gray hairs, the circles under my eyes...   If I go further, what about the cracked paint on the ceiling or the stained carpet, the pile of stuff that needs to go in the attic, the clothes still in need of folding, the papers I need to grade... I'm sure you don't want me to go on, but are you mentally or physically talking to me, adding your own list of "imperfections?

Using Picasa,  free photo editing software from Google, I can wipe away various imperfections in a matter of seconds.  What a glorious tool!!!  I can brighten, change the contrast, make a pictures black and white or even sepia, create a new blog header, or whatever I dream of doing (with in reason).  No matter what, I can change physical things on Picasa, but I can't fix the emotional or spiritual screw ups or baggage, no matter how hard I cry or worry about them.

So why do I stand with a tight fist, holding onto my "worries"?  Is it because I don't think anyone or God can work them out how I "think" they should be done? Obviously I'm not doing a great job, but when I finally do open my fist, and really allow God to take them, there is peace and it is amazing to see how He works things out and the reasons He did it the way He did.  Make sense?

This morning I was feeling more than glum about my physical appearance, but when I read what Mary wrote at In-Courage, it grabbed at my heart.  God has so many different ways that He speaks to us, and one of those is through the eyes of others and the words they've been given.  In reality, I know that people really put importance on how we look, but it sure comforting to be with a group of ladies that could care less about how I look or if my house looks lived in (we'll never be in Country Living or Southern Living), but that's okay.  What they and God care about is really what is in my heart.  Sometimes my heart is a little messy and misconstrued, but God has a way of turning this mess into something He sees as beautiful.

The LORD does not look at the things people look at.
People look at the outward appearance,
but the LORD looks at the heart.
(1 Samuel 16:7b) 

What has He been saying to you?  Has He use someone else or a different method to speak to you?

Something Possitive

Monday   Does that word bring you dread or anticipation?  What is it about that word that makes us groan? 


I knew the day would be frantic or at least terribly busy.  Disregard the fact that it was Monday, but I had a new little one, a 7 month old chubby baby, joining our crew.  I wasn't sure how it was going to work with The Princess, homeschooling, and everything...

But when my eyes popped open at 5:45 (argh!  45 minutes before the alarm was supposed to go off) my first thought was "Lord, please help me find something positive in this day."

Let me tell you how God wrangled my day!

The Princess arrived 20 minutes later, which allowed me to clean up the mess in the kitchen from the weekend. Only got up early and I was able to vacuum before everyone arrived (hate to do it while she's sleeping), and start a load of clothes.  I think they are still there.

Both girls took a nap at the exact same time and we were able to get our science experiment on Chemical Reaction completed with little interruptions and much fun!  Who knew you could have so much fun with cabbage, vinegar, and balloons! Fixed dinner during lunch, so I was feeling pretty good at that point, if we could just get through school with no tears. 

 Whew!  Made it till 4 p.m.  Time to relax... No wait - the student I tutor just pulled into the driveway... After that, a quick dinner and then Boy Scout meeting in town... 

What was the blessing in the day?  The girls napped AND later had dirty diapers at the same time, the science experiment actually turned out the way it was supposed to, Only (she's my right hand girl and knows what needs to be done without being asked), a short meeting, glorious rain to soothe our dry area, and a short meeting.  I'm so thankful that God turned a day I dreaded into something to enjoy.  It may take us a while to get our schedules in sync.

Tuesday?  I was nothing like yesterday and it was a struggle from the beginning, but I'm looking for the positive. The "work" day is almost over and we completed all of our school work.  I got to see Honey at lunch, and I have been blessed to be able to stay at home while my kids are school age.  I love it when all my kids are home, hearing the laughter around the dinner table, the kidding, the interaction... I love seeing the excitement of Oldest joke around with Youngest while they clean up after dinner, seeing Honey smile, and believe it or not I love to see him tinker in the garage because that's what he loves to do.  It doesn't look like much fun to me, but it's his kind of relaxing. 

Today?  Got bran and banana muffins made for tonight's home group, am part way through school, schedules are way off and I'm not sure where Youngest has wandered off to. The Princess is croupy and grumpy, the cat threw up on the floor but has stopped peeing in the dog food (we think it's because of a UTI and not rebellion), it's raining again (we could use that) and the dog is ready for the padded cell because it's lightening and thundering and she's  a scardy dog... life will go on and I'm looking for the positive on another day in paradise.   The difference between Monday & today from yesterday - I didn't start my day talking to Him.  I knew better, but let the craziness of the morning take hold.  While not every day will be great, but it sure is better when I give it to Him... and you know what?  Just because I do give my day to Him, it may still be crazy... but how am I going to let it define me and how I handle it?

For He will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble.   Psalm 27:5

Keli from Internet Cafe Devotions stated:

  "I hear Jesus whispering in my ear, “Abide in me. Don’t let your circumstances define you or expect them to nurture you. Don’t sit back and hope the rains will come. Set your roots deep into me. Listen to me, follow me, love me. When you do, I promise you’ll not only survive, but you’ll thrive. When you’re…

…filled with sorrow, rest in me.

…overcome with worry, trust in me.

…drowning in despair, follow me.

…thirsting for a fresh word, listen to me.

…dabbling with doubt, obey me.

…a swirl with apathy, seek me.”

 I guess what I'm so slow about it realizing I need to bloom where He has planted me.  Some people are missionaries in foreign countries, people are talented and gifted leaders, artists, businessmen/women, sanitation workers, photographers, teachers, and more.  Me?  I'm learning to love where He put me, in a place that I prayed for when I was young, with my own mission field of kids being brought to me in the form of babysitting and tutoring.

Time Out

Have you ever gotten to the point where you just needed a good timeout? I'm not talking about for the kids, even though they've all had their share of the time-out corner. This last week I needed a time-out. Things did not go according to MY calendar or plans, but seemed to order themselves without asking me! I let the little things build up and get to me. I tend to do that, and from the look Dave was giving me, I needed a time out. When things get to me, I don't throw a fit, scream, stomp my feet, or hit. No, for me I feel like I'm stuck in a huge snowball that is teetering over a very steep mountain, and when it hits, the ball is shoved over the edge and gets bigger and bigger, going faster and faster, gathering twigs and debris until it runs smack into the side of something and falls apart - revealing how silly my "snowball" really was. What do I aspire to do??? Wouldn't it just be easier for me to realize what is going on and I need to get hold of myself, slow down, and just listen to what He is telling me... I was too busy last week (or so I thought), but I'm ready to listen now to what He was telling me. Last night as I was reading, I re-read Colossians 3:12-15 and re-reading a few sermon notes I had tucked back and I had to reflect on what where my actions (where is my mind, where is my heart), what is my attitude (forgiveness, peace, thankfulness), and what is my Aim (Peace, reflecting Him). I sure didn't let Him rule my heart with Peace, and like a young child, I threw my own "fit" - I needed a time out.

12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. 14 Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.

When our kids were younger, Dave and I wrote this poem for a scrapbook page we did:

I hit my brother with a ball My Momma told me NO! I thought that she was teasing me, But then she told me so "Time out for you" she sternly said. In shock,I slowly dropped my head. My lip began to tremble and my eyes began to tear, I cried and cried so loudly, just so everyone could hear. She lead me to the corner, "Put your nose right here, young man, And think about just what you've done." But what I know is really this, This is not real fun!