Definition for $100 please

So I can be a bit snarky at times.  Sometimes it's in my brain and I mentally reply to a person who was a bit more than rude. Most of the time it happens when I'm driving.  Sometimes I think people really did get their driver's license from a Cracker Jack Box!!!  Other times,  I think I've mentally replied and, based on the look on the other person's face, it actually came out of my brain via my mouth.  sigh  I did it again! 

Before you Google Snarky, I'll help you out:
SNARKY:  A witty mannerism, personality, or behavior that is a combination of sarcasm and cynicism. Usually accepted as a complimentary term. sarcastic, impertinent, or irreverent in tone or manner

From what I can tell, I'm not the only one that has this issue... Doesn't make it right or acceptable.  I've often told Honey that I could not work as a automotive service advisor. I would be fired for telling a customer that, it is not our fault they didn't plan ahead and waited till the day before their vacation, which they planned 6 months ago, to have their auto problems fixed, new tires, or oil changed.

I've been snarky with my kids.  Their lack of planning is not going to cause an emergency on my side.  They may have inherited some of this from me.

Time and time again, I chide myself and wish I were kinder, sweeter, more Proverbs 31 (but honestly, this woman seems to be a bit beyond my reach), prettier, in better shape, easier to talk to, less distracted, blah, blah, blah...  You fill in the blank. One Sunday, I was talking to a friend and they made a comment about a subject close to my heart and their opinion just about seared my soul.  They weren't meaning to.  Maybe it was a due to a bit of honesty in their observations, but their words were stomping on my heart...

It was a tough week with my mom, school was starting back up, my regular school year kids were back in my care, too little sleep, a bit of loneliness...  Not the best week, but it sure wasn't hopeless!  Getting ready for church on Sunday, my playlist began running through some of my favorites...  Tripping over dogs underfoot, outfit change #4, foundation, some blush, oh shoot... chipped polish on my toes won't go with those comfy sandals...  then the first strum of guitar and beat of drum pulsed through the speakers.... "He Knows My Name" by Francesca Battistelli    Listen  I heard Him say to me.

Spent today in a conversation
In the mirror face to face with
Somebody less than perfect
I wouldn't choose me first if
I was looking for a champion
In fact I'd understand if
You picked everyone before me
But that's just not my story
True to who You are
You saw my heart
And made
Something out of nothing

I don't need my name in lights
I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake
He knows my name
I'm not living for applause
I'm already so adored
It's all His stage
He knows my name oh, oh,
He knows my name oh, oh

I'm not meant to just stay quiet
I'm meant to be a lion
I'll roar beyond a song
With every moment that I've got
True to who You are
You saw my heart
And made
Something out of nothing

I don't need my name in lights
I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake
He knows my name
I'm not living for applause
I'm already so adored
It's all His stage
He knows my name oh, oh,
He knows my name oh, oh

He calls me chosen, free forgiven, wanted, child of the King,
His forever, held in treasure
I am loved

I don't need my name in lights
I'm famous in my Father's eyes

I don't need my name in lights
I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake
He knows my name
I'm not living for applause
I'm already so adored
It's all His stage
He knows my name oh, oh,
He knows my name oh, oh

Listen...  He said again... though I heard her voice begin, picking up where she had just left off.  

                                                   "If We're Honest"

Truth is harder than a lie
The dark seems safer than the light
And everyone has a heart that loves to hide
I'm a mess and so are you
We've built walls nobody can get through
Yeah, it may be hard, but the best thing we could ever do, ever do
[Chorus:]
Bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're honest

Don't pretend to be something that you're not
Living life afraid of getting caught
There is freedom found when we lay 
our secrets down at the cross, at the cross
[Chorus]
It would change our lives
It would set us free
It's what we need to be

By the time I arrived at church, I was a bit of a mess.  First friend I saw was Miss "I", who visiting with her sweet Momma.  She gave me the biggest hug and then a mug with all these wonderful quips about friends (my favorite one was "Friends become our chosen Family") and I cried.  I cried as her momma hugged me.  I miss her coming here daily, but I am so thrilled for the new opportunity that God has placed their family in and thankful I do get to see them from time to time.  She is a friend of the heart.  As I turned from her, I saw a longtime friend, tears in her eyes approach me.  She just reached out and enveloped me in a hug and let me cry.  The frustrations and self-doubts finally came out.  She told me of her mom's struggle with dementia and her struggle with that, and as we talked,  she listened.  "My brain just can't wrap itself around why I would be good friend material.  We go from work to nursing home, do dinner and go to bed, only to do it all over again.  Late nights that Honey works, schedules.  I have no clue what is going on with anyone or even watch the news."   

Thyme is Honey blog

"Can I ask you something?  Those things that you say to yourself... Would you ever say them to someone else," she asked, understanding deep in her eyes. "No, of course you wouldn't!  Then why do you say them to yourself?"

This week is better.  Her question and challenge has echoed through my head all week.  My head is clearing and  I'm listening...  I'm working toward being less snarky...

 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength. -Philippians 4:12-13

What I feel like is not who I really am

Only and I just finished a Beth Moore Bible Study, a first for both of us (doing a BM Study), on Ester. One thing we heard over and over was it is tough being a woman. I could elaborate on this by adding it's tough being a mom, it's tough being a _______ - you fill in the blank. There have been times in my life that I feel I'm fighting my own battles, though I know He is there going before me. There have been times that life is so wonderful that I've felt like I would burst like fireworks - a zing for life! Other times I feel like a dripping faucet - irritating and annoying to others and God. How can they stand to be around me??? Yet again, there are days that I feel close to Him, and know He is the Creator and This is the Day He made... How could anything ever go wrong. Need I explain about those Titanic day? Other times I feel as beautiful and colorful as the most beautiful butterfly He has ever created... This last week has been tough with a daily headache looming around in my head, a child that has a thirst for life, adventure, and probably is a little more than ADD, and overwhelming thoughts of what do I try to do first... This morning, I knew I would not make a good Paul in the jail - my song would probably be more of a sad country song rather than one of Praise... I'm so thankful that God doesn't base His love for me based on how I feel. There are so many out there who are really struggling - Mollie with lung cancer, friend who just miscarried, broken marriages, lost jobs, loss of loved one, etc... Thank you for loving me when I don't always feel lovely!

You did it: you changed wild lament into whirling dance; You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I'm about to burst with song; I can't keep quiet about you. God, my God, I can't thank you enough. (The Message)Psalms 30:11-12

Mercy and Grace

Ever had one of THOSE days???

- Yesterday -

With only 4 hours of sleep

Dear Aunt passes away after long battle with Leukemia

waking with a headache

funeral is Friday - in KS

locking my keys in my car

sobbing in the bread aisle

having hubby rescue me...

laundry is piling up

dear son needs library books for research paper

(for English class on Thursday)

and we don't have a library card where the books are

car refuses to start last night...

Yesterday I was reminded how quickly I let the circumstances pull me down when I'm tired and things just don't go the way I think they should.

I have a book that I love to read over and over: Espresso for Your Spirit: Hope and Humor for Pooped Out Parents by Pam Vredevelt. Chapter 5, Ruts starts out with Hebrews 4:16:

16Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Pam talkes about getting out of the Slump Syndrome with Grace. The slump may be a way of our body is telling us we need to slow down, regroup and get some restoration.

"We give ourselves grace when we refuse to expect more from ourselves than we can possibly deliver. We give ourselves grace when we grant ourselves permission to rest, sleep, play, take a break, and get alone with God. A few minutes of quiet interaction with God can get us out of a rut much faster than striving, trying harder, and forcing ourselves into overdrive."

So what am I to do? I am looking for those blessing when I'm in a rut.

God sent me gentle reminders throughout the day that, even though it was rough.

Unexpected friend to calm me down

while waiting for hubby to arrive on his "white horse" to rescue me;

Dear aunt is no long in pain and safe in Jesus arms;

Dear friend lends me library card to check out books;

dear friends call to check on me

friends help jump car so I could get home

Dear hubby takes care of stressed wife

I smelled the laundry! My nose if semiworking!

Young son worked hard at doing school

gentle rain

gentle hugs

Thank you God for your Grace and blessings in the midst of a meltdown. Thank you for your reminders that You are there - You never left, but were waiting... waiting for me with arms open wide, full of grace and mercy.

Rain and mercy

Mercy is falling

Is falling - is falling

Mercy, it falls

Like the sweet spring rain

Mercy is falling

Is falling all over me

Hey-oh

I receive your mercy

Hey-oh

I receive your grace

Hey-oh

I will dance forevermore

These last few days, I've been so much reminded of this song by David Ruis that we've sang in church before . After the 100+º temps we've been having, it is absolutely wonderful to sleep with the windows open, turn off the air conditioner, and just enjoy the sweet smell of a cool summer rain throughout the day and night.

When it rains, there is a little girl that I think of, Gracie, that told me it is important that she gets to dance in the rain. She made me think about so many things, but mostly about priorities, grace, and mercy. I just wonder... when God pours out his mercy, will I be dancing and rejoicing or will I be too busy to realize what a sweet gift He has given.

There have been other times that when it rains it is not so sweet. We've personally watched the stream rise, the waters seep into our home, and the aftermath of clean up. At those times, I've stood at my washer and just cried out to God to stop the rain. I wonder if Noah did that (not that he had a dryer)? After the rain, there is opportunity for healing and rebuilding. So I guess my question is: Will I dance in the rain knowing there is mercy and grace or will I spend my time mourning the time that it is falling. Please gently remind me the next time that rain starts to pour on our humble home that I need to dust off my dancing shoes, lift up my hands and accept His mercy and grace.