Dog paddling during the storm

Sometimes it's hard to find the right words to express what one is feeling.  At times, it seems like it is easier to hold them than have to explain yourself over and over.  

I have seen it around me and have felt it.  Anxiousness.  Facing a room full of new kids at the beginning of the school year, a sick child, a loved one with Alzheimers, messy house, projects due, decisions about job or school, relationships...   It all seems a little messy when you think about it, but yet it seems insignificant.  Being anxious, full of fear and doubt won't save the day, solve any problems,  cure an illness, or catch me up on my sleep. 

I've been trying to work on memorizing some scripture.  Maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks, but it is really slow going.  I'm only up to my third verse in two months, but I decided to look at scripture that has to do with fear. I should have started with something simple.  My brain analyzes them, mixes them up, and it's a wonder I made it through four six years of college.  I can't even tell someone how to get to my house without using only landmarks.  I'm so thankful for GPS on my phone or I would still be driving around in a panic. I know when I am anxious I turn to Him, but I would love to be the person that turns to Him in times of calm.  He needs to always be my GPS, not just when I'm doing a doggy paddle to keep my head above the storm.  

A few years ago, I took a journey of "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp and the journey was very good and deep. I still continue to look for those gifts daily, though I don't track them here.  I know it is very important for me to actively look for and record them, as a reminder of His continued love and grace.  I never want to trivialize what He has done, but I'm sure He's up there, looking at my heart and life, waiting for me to finally really let go of this swirling storm.  Is that hard for you?  Do you struggle like I do?   

"yeah, so there's a whole bunch of us up right now in the dark, 
knowing things haven't really gone as planned, 
because we aren't what we would have planned, 
and we have failed and we have flailed 
and we have tasted a bit of the granular dark.
And right now in the dark, You come to us, Lord,
lift our chin so we look into You & hear all that matters:
"But all that matters?
Is that I have loved you at your darkest." (Ro.5:8)
*All that matters is that you are deeply loved
in the midst of your deepest dark.*
               Ann Voskamp

 For God has not given us a spirit of timidity,   

  but of power and love and discipline.  
             2 Timothy 1:7          

                                        When I am afraid,I will put my trust in You.In God, whose word I praise,In God I have put my trust;I shall not be afraid.What can mere man do to me?   Psalm 56:3-4  New American Standard Bible

If I should say, “My foot has slipped,”Your lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up. When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,Your consolations delight my soul.   Psalm 94:18-19New American Standard Bible 

So for now, I will doggy paddle and know that He is holding me up when I'm emotionally and physically spent.  When the nights drag on to mornings and I stumble to bed after a few hours of reading and writing, searching...  I'm waiting for that sunrise and it will be glorious.  

Gifts of Grace

 Recent Gifts of Grace

Only with Baby Zoe

1. Baking 800 cookies with the help of great ladies
2. Date night with Honey
3. Friday - a break from the craziness of the week
4. Full nights sleep
5. Kids cleaning up the kitchen without being asked
6. Baby Zoe arrived safe and healthy 9 lb 12 oz!!! 
7. Wonderful cool morning, quiet with only the birds singing
8. Honey brings, yet another racing tire home - I love his boyish side!

Honey with his tire

 If you would like to join in recording the Gifts that He has given you, or would like to learn about "A Dare to Live Fully, Right Where you Are: One Thousand Gifts , go to Ann's blog at A Holy Experience and join people from all walks of life and places in the world as we Count His Gifts.

Gifts of Grace

Recent Gifts of Grace

Only in Belize

1. Protection for Raine's husband during a heart attack - often called the Widow Maker. Stint placed in artery.
2. Temps so high (115º) that we hit a record for the country... no grass to mow because it's all dead! 
3. Messages from Only while on Belize Mission Trip
4. Wonderful refreshing rain during drought and high temps (117º)
5. Parents who don't spoil or give in to their kids to the point the children that they are more than difficult to be around. 
6. Youngest's movies he creates, frame by frame, action in motion, brain whirling, creating.
7. Quiet evening with Honey
8. Plump juicy watermelon
9. Making mud puddles with youngest in the rain, mud squishing between toes.
10. Children who listen to God, go, see through His eyes the needs and loveA babe, so new of God, from His hands and heart
    
11. Seeing and hearing the words: Momma, Mommy, Mom
12. Doctors who follow the calling to help, solve, and save
13. To be a mom to three wonderful gifts God has given us. 
14. Safely back from Belize, Oldest and Only, hearts open to experiences You've given them.
15. Oh, Sweet rain to a dry parched ground - quenching a thirst
16. Hugs from my big kids.  I so missed them when they were gone to Belize
17. Sweet shy smiles and kisses from Miss I
18. Mike and Amy (dear friends) are pregnant and due in March!!!  
19. Oldest has a JOB!!!  Thank you God!!! 

Miss J and Only at the Mayan Ruins

If you would like to join in recording the Gifts that He has given you, or would like to learn about "A Dare to Live Fully, Right Where you Are: One Thousand Gifts , go to Ann's blog at A Holy Experience and join people from all walks of life and places in the world as we Count His Gifts.
 

Gifts of Grace

   Recent Gifts of Grace

1. Having food on the table, the whole family around - laughter and love
2. Jello for sore throats
3. Tissues with Lotion - Oh so soft!
4. Sewing machines to make sewing faster and easier
5. Protection for Oldest when a shooting and triple murder happened just 3 blocks where he was working.  The killer was not caught until a week later in MI
6. Weeks groceries only $42 cash!!!  Gotta love Aldi's
   
7. Two sets of contacts free to tie me over until my eye check up, this is after I had gone past my change date on my last pair. 
8. Belize trips are both completely paid for!
9. Re-reading stories of funny things our kids said or did when they were little tykes
10. Oldest and Only arrive safely in Belize with their Mission Team.
    
11. Youngest arrives safely home from Boy Scout camp
12. Relaxing massage
13. Oldest and Only arrive safely home after a week in Belize
14. Fire fighters and police working in the 110º+ heat
15. Sweet juicy watermelon - a 35 pound gift from Crabtree Farms!  Oh so yummy and delicious!
16. Choices in education

 If you would like to join in recording the Gifts that He has given you, or would like to learn about "A Dare to Live Fully, Right Where you Are: One Thousand Gifts , go to Ann's blog at A Holy Experience and join people from all walks of life and places in the world as we Count His Gifts.

Gifts of Grace

 Some more recent gifts of grace

1. Morning kisses from the kids
2. Homemade sandwich bread
3. Oldest, working until 1:30 a.m., still got up for church the next morning.
4. Children, getting up on their own, honoring commitments made
5. Sirens sound- dedicated emergency workers give to save and protect
6. Mentors in marriage, showing through example.
7. Devotion of Lady, who should be fearsome, yet gentle and forgiving to the youngest, watchful, loyal
8. Watching fireworks with family
9. Sunday naps with Honey,
10. 4th of July spent with new friends from other countries
    
11. Freedom
12. Seeing happiness and joy through other eyes, a joyful Japanese student
13. Conversations with dear Cousin Raine
14. Only, growing in confidence, learning independence and responsibilities
15. Mission trip to Belize for Oldest, paid in full, by hard work for others
16. Oldest, continuing to work, to help pay for Only's trip to Belize, secretly putting money on her acct.

Gifts of Grace

Some recent Gifts of Grace

1.  Honey's 21 yrs at the same job
2. Expensive meds cheaper via generics and insurance
3. Honey cleaning and organizing the garage.
4. Protection for Raine's husband when faced with demonic druggie at work
5. Friend has Stage 0 breast cancer - thankfully they caught it early
6. Oldest's enrolled in college classes
7. Oldest's college paid for via Pell Grants and scholarships (we even get $$ back to use for books!!!)
8. Men who step in to be daddies for those who have lost theirs
9. Quiet Sunday afternoons 
10. Morning kisses from the kids
11. Movie night and pizza with family

Gifts of Grace

Some recent Gifts of Grace

1. Protection from stormy weather (tornadoes)
2. Safety for Oldest and Only during clean-jp work in Joplin after the tornado
3. Oldest graduating from high school
   
   
4. Naps on an exhausting day
5. Good friends who give up their morning to help prepare 26 large pizzas for Oldest's graduation reception
6. Moms picking up their kids at the end of the work day
7. Laughter with dear friends over grilled burgers and chicken, renewing and relaxing
8. Chainsaws to fell broken limbs from the storm
9. SIL once again has feeling in her legs and waist after 3 weeks of numbness and has returned to work! It's not MS!!! 
10. Youngest slurping Crispix at breakfast as he reads a Hardy Boys book
11. Picking blueberries with Only and Youngest
12. Protection when a reckless car veered across two lanes of Interstate, cutting in front of the two cars in front of me.  Thank you God, because it could have been really bad.

Gifts of Grace

Some recent Gifts of Grace

1. Lily of Valley flowers, sweet scent, their white bells stand in silent beauty
2. School House Rock Play gets our feel tapping
3. Laughter around the dinner table
4. Fresh muffins from the oven
5. Hug from teenager, Oldest rarely given
6. Release from Cancer, bittersweet goodbyes
7. Cool spring rain
8. "Mommy can you rock with me? I don't feel good." The 12-yr old body turns and searches, scrunching his growing frame on my lap, looking for that once comfy spot.
9. Frying bacon
10. Friends surround grieving families
    
11. Boy Scout Troop Leaders
12. Gathering of friends - laughter, good food, love abounds
13. Nerf gun wars between teens and young scholars.  Jury is out on who really won.
14. Three years of learning, growing, acceptance, trials, revelations, and triumphs come to a close.  "W" is moving to GA
15. Princess Izzy "reading" Brown Bear before nap time. 
16. Glorious sunrise, it's glimmering fingers reach out, touching dark and dreary corners, illuminating, warming, welcoming after a week of flooding storms. 
17. Ice cream for breakfast for sore throats
18. Frogs singing their night performance with the Master Conductor
19. Evening with in-laws always nice.  I love their steadfast love and commitment
20. Blue birds twittering from branches low, feeding young with worms from freshly broken soil.
    
21. Oldest and Honey working, laughing, talking during yard work
22. Ladybugs puttering amongst the lilies